A History of Hillhead

Clive delves into the deep and revealing history of what has to be the crowning jewel of Aberdeen student life


Welcome to A History of Hillhead! We’ll be taking you through the many points in history that Hillhead has thrived and survived through!

4.54 billion years ago: Earth has just come into existence. Hillhead halls of residence have not yet been built.

20 million years ago: The first Great Apes walk the earth, and develop the level of intelligence required to be accepted as a first year student at the University of Aberdeen.

2.5 Million Years Ago: The first Human-like Apes walk the Earth. Although they posses the necessary tools and resources, they have not yet been granted planning permission to start building Hillhead Halls by Aberdeen Council.

2,600 BC: Stonehenge constructed. This design will later be used as the blueprint for Hector Boece.

0 AD: Hillhead’s continued lack of construction causes the Lord, our Saviour, to be born in a stable in Bethlehem.

1495 AD: Kings College constructed. Students kept in clock tower and pay for tuition by ringing bells.

1688 AD: Hillhead Halls of residence constructed, but are bombed during the Blitz of World War II, and require complete reconstruction. Aberdeen city council work at extraordinary rates to reconstruct the halls, and complete work in 2007 (Over 80 years). Due to the embarrassment of their slow work, the council attempt to cover up any evidence that the previous halls existed.

2013 AD: Hillhead Halls receive a recreation bubble, solar panels, double glazed windows for all accommodation (even Hector Boece), push button showers and taps (because of the high demand from students to feel as though they were living in a gym), and a bunch of other things that still fail to distract from the fact that Hillhead is next to Seaton Park. Also, new Kittens for all residences (although that might have been Kitchens, we’re not sure what we’re prepared to believe at this point…).

2018 AD: The Virus breaks out.

2019 AD: Hillhead Halls remains standing, but only as a bastion of death. Cramped living conditions have caused the outbreak to explode in infection rates. The Undead now roam the campus, seeking life forms to feed on and receiving numerous C6’s for not attending tutorials. Not much has changed. Aberdeen City council does not realise the difference until it’s too late.

2020 AD: Some students still hold out in the recreation bubble, though supplies run low and tensions high. All the furniture and carpeting has been eaten, soon the students will have to move onto the Chinese takeaway for sustenance. Rumours of cannibalism reach the City Council, but it turns out it’s a mistranslation, and some students were just spotted smoking up outside the bubble.

3007 AD: New Hillhead Halls have been built after 79 year construction time, with Aberdeen City Council celebrating their quickest construction yet, and use this as a strategy for promoting the City as a major student hub.

5,238 AD: The Rapture occurs. 5 students go missing from Hillhead Halls of Residence. All receive C7’s as “Rapturing” is not considered a valid reason to appeal against a C6.

5,000,000,000 AD: The Sun explodes and consumes the Earth in hell-fire. Kittens still not installed in Hillhead Halls of Residence.

10 to the power of 100 AD: Heat death of the Universe. New refurbishment of Hector Boece makes it more bearable.