The weird and wonderful offers of Gumtree: Aberdeen

Fed up of First bus and their exponentially increasing prices? Well then, have we found the product for you? (Yes we have).

That’s right, a completely legitimate anonymous salesman is advertising the sale of a bus money collector on Gumtree, along with fully functional opening till and key. This item comes in as a bargain at merely £30, compared to their usual retail price of £120. Plus a bus.

Here are just a few handy uses for this item:

-Piggy bank

Wanna save your hard earned student loan money? Then what better way than using a money holder produced by a company known for hoarding profits?

Picture courtesy of the First Bus Thirsty Thursday Fund.

-House party entry fee collector

Tired of your free loading friends who don’t understand the acronym BYOB? Then why not charge ridiculous prices for entry into your flat, we suggest fees of £2.50 for half an hour or £4.20 for the whole night.

You don’t know house parties like we do.

-Paper weight

Need something to weigh down those hard earned notes from the party? or possibly all those essays you’re writing? Unless it’s electronic in which case this item also doubles as a great laptop weight.

Mo money, less problems. According to us.

-Home workout device

Bored of being stuffed in a hot gym, but jogging not intense enough for you?

How about: working out LIKE A BUS! Getting ripped LIKE A BUS! Picking up chicks LIKE A BUS!

Yes, this home workout device is easy to use and could even prove profitable. Run down the streets of Aberdeen picking up strangers, and charging them fares for lifts. If you’re fast enough you can even tease people by slowing down and pretending to stop for them and then just carrying on running!

As well as being great fun, this acts as brilliant high intensity interval training. The more passengers you have, the heavier the weight and the more intense the exercise, so we suggest undercutting First’s prices to get more customers. It won’t be hard.

“Single to the town centre please, mate”

TANK IT!

-First installment in your very own Build-a-Bus collection

Getting too many customers to carry? Looks like you may actually need to invest in a whole bus!

So far you’ve taken a great first step in getting a money collector, but a bus also requires: wheels, seats and an engine (we’re just kidding YOU ARE THE ENGINE!!!)

But don’t worry, all of these items are available on Gumtree, so get investing!

YOU ARE THE ENGINE!! LIKE A BUS!!

-Wilderness survival tool

Lost in the wilderness? Well, by now First bus are probably looking for their money collector; they may not know who you are or what you want, but they do have a special set of skills. They will look for you, they will find you, and they will…probably take you to court. At least in jail the muscles you built up from your home workout should come in handy. Good luck!

We’re lost. Quick, everyone find some urine to drink!

If you’re even slightly interested then why not buy it now, LIKE A BUS!

Buy now and receive one court order absolutely free!