Annoying kids of Instagram

Genuine Hashtags

You went to #Starbucks. We don’t need to know that you ordered a #coffee which actually was a #latte with #gingernut in it and #whippedcream on top and it came in a #christmascup while you were on a #dayout with your #bestie who ordered a #vente #hotchocolate with #marshmallows
In future, either keep it short and sweet or long and brilliant.

Throwbacks

I think you need to increase the quality of your present every-day life.

Gender/hair colour hashtags

Funnily enough we can tell your sex and colouring from the photo. There’s no irony behind these hashtags, you’re just hankering after a high like-count.

Uploading your outfit before a night out

I suppose it’s thoughtful of you – it’ll be easier to avoid you on the dancefloor knowing you’re wearing that dress and famous pout.

Couple kissing-selfies

Well, you’re obviously past the stage in which all kisses lead to sex. I feel for you.

Healthy Eating Pics

Well done, you made a smoothie. You’re aware that your achievement of the day is literally mauling fruit?

Actually, I actually get some enjoyment out of these because of the amount of photos I see going up on Instagram of salads and nuts and white meat coupled with the snapchats of cookies, crisps and chocolate from the same people.

Keep up the good pretense, guys.

Pet Selfies

Once it gets to the fifth photo in a row of you and your cat I’m starting to realize why you can’t hold down a relationship.

Endless ‘I Work Out’ Selfies

Okay, you work out, we got that from your twitter. We don’t need an update on your new ‘kicks’ or “Just Do It” leggings (which nobody else has, btw). 

I appreciate you’ve got good abs but I’m a little confused as to why you’re standing in front of the mirror in your bedroom… Wait, do you even have a gym membership?

Uploading multiple photos in a row

Okay, this is what Facebook is for – please do not clog up my feed with ten photos of your day out, your night out, your day in, your night in, your lunch, your mates or your nails. If you’re well-mannered please observe the unwritten rule of one photo a day. The only acceptable series are funny photos of Boris Johnson – those you can post all day long.

Look-How-Much-Money-I-Have photos

Oh look, yet another student posing with a bottle of Belvedere vodka on just another #saturdaynight. Do you use twenties for your cigarette paper? That would be so #wild. 

Videos

One word: Vine

#jussayin