Tab Shags: AU Boat Club
Our anonymous reporter has been slyly collecting sexual anecdotes from various sport clubs and societies. This week the Boat Club fails to grasp ‘the motion of the ocean.’
Whether you’re a rower, a rugby player or even just a gym-goer, it’s got to be said, for me there’s something about a guy who works out. I envision such men will be strong enough to throw me around the bedroom, athletic enough to keep up, and to be so testosterone-fuelled they blow my lusty mind.
But this isn’t an exact science – as it turns out, ability in sport does not always translate to ability in bed, or sometimes even adequacy. So, over the next few weeks, the TAB will be giving you the low-down on the sports clubs that are worth getting hot and heavy with, and those whose moves you’re better off with just spectating.
First up: The Boat Club.
What I’m about to say of course does not speak for the entirety of the males in the club, but it may be an eye opener to the men they seem to produce. As it turns out, Tab’s inside source had the wind knocked from her sails – and not in a good way:
“I was a bit drunk on a night out and met this guy from sailing who told me he had a kitten at home I could play with. I of course said yes – what more could a drunk girl want at 1am than a life-size toy. Anyway, we went back to his and we started having sex but there wasn’t much going on down there… He sat up really quickly, rolled over, took out his phone -in the middle of sex!- and started showing me photos of his ex-girlfriend and talking about how pretty she was… I had to endure three hours of girlfriend chat before I could escape – and I never got see his kitten.”
So whilst the Boat Club may know exactly how to get a girl back and her clothes off, it appears they’ve not so good at going with the flow.
Next week: AU Men’s Lacrosse