What your deodorant says about you

A man’s smell, and a man’s brand, speaks volumes about who he is, and who he wants to portray himself as, to women. Unfortunately, many men are ignorant in this area and are completely unaware that the ‘scent’ they are dousing themselves in every morning, the one that promises to excite the opposite sex until they demand instant penetration, actually makes us gag  So we’ve decided to break it down for you, nice and simple, to aid your game in the dating world, and hopefully stop you smelling like someone who was born without individuality.

Lynx:

Undoubtably, the first deodorant most boys buy when sent out into the shopping breach themselves. It’s fine when you’re sixteen, but a man in his twenties wearing Lynx not only smells like a young boy, but also appears to be a man that cannot make decisions for himself and certainly follows the status quo, despite the smell of the status quo knocking him for six every morning. However, the likelihood is you’re the perfect consumer (having bought into the most outrageous lie of your teens that wearing this will in fact get you laid), and so may indeed make a very good (giving) boyfriend on days such as Christmas and Valentine’s.

Dove:

The smell and coverage may be adequate, but the brand says your mother still buys your toiletries for you and packs them off to university which means either lazy bastard or virgin.

Right Guard:

Yes, everyone knows you play sport because even when you’re not running onto the rugby pitch, you’re still dousing yourself in the too-strong-for-every-day-use-stuff. That is, unless you have a very bad sweating problem, and you should probably get on medication for that. If you’re just the guy that spends his day at the gym, please remember to have other topics of conversation at hand, because just using each other for exercise will only get you so far, if you know what I mean.

Old Spice:

You’re a man who knows a joke, you’re a man who knows how to wear a joke, indeed, you’re probably a man’s man. That is, unless you’re still wearing it on a daily basis – then you’re a man who doesn’t know when a joke goes out of style, or has the mates to tell him so.