A-Z Aberdeen: Part Three

The unanticipated third part of the Aberdeen A-Z is finally here to talk about Rugby Boys, the Grampian Police and the draconian porn ban on campus.


R – Rugby Boys

AURFC is exactly what a male sports team is about. You put your body on the line for each other on the pitch, you all hop into a communal shower and make awkward homosexual jokes to one another; then you jump in a minibus with as much shitty alcohol as you can possibly acquire. You enjoy the gentle trip back to Aberdeen by singing songs about shoving exotic implements into submissive vaginas and hurling as much alcohol down your throat as is humanly possible. If that doesn’t sound fun to you don’t get angry, just leave them alone and let them throw up on each other in peace.

S – ‘Skite’

This reporter is not a fan of that word.

T – Tickle Fights

Three young reprobates who were once cuffed for having a tickle fight. The zealousness of the Grampian Police to over-react to a bit student tomfoolery should not be underestimated. You can reassure your parents that the police are very keen on keeping us out of trouble by throwing their weight around. Oh unless you’re in oil. Then, it seems, you can do whatever you want and they won’t even blink.

Smuggest police officers in Aberdeen

U – Union Street

Union Street is perhaps the most ironically named street I have ever walked down. It is also one of the only streets that I feel more scared walking down in the day than I do in the night. During the day underage hoodlums run amok spitting and throwing litter about. At night however it descends into a glorious riot of drunken people. If, however, you are not a reveler; put your earphones in and keep walking. Union Street for me is a great metaphor for the whole of the student experience in Aberdeen. Embrace it and it will embrace you, reject it and it will reject you.

V – Violence

Aberdeen may seem like it can be a violent place but it doesn’t have to be. I know loudmouths that fight every week, I know loudmouths that have never been in a fight. Don’t be a brawler.

W – Weddings

Stumbling from one lecture to another and spot a full wedding party coming the other way? Yeah that happens on this campus. My advice would be to move on first. All the  Aberdeen weddings that I’ve worked seem to be less than a single shot of apple sourz from a full scale brawl. Don’t be fooled by the smiles, they are merely relishing the fisticuffs ahead.

X – X-Rated Video Ban In Halls

So you little fresher you’ve arrived at uni now. You’re in halls. You’ve heard about halls and you’ve been reliably informed by your slightly older friend (who incidentally is a virgin by the way) that staying in halls is basically one long orgy. Bin him (these characters are always men in my experience). Sorry but that orgy doesn’t exist and you’ll have to work on your seduction skills. But before you do that you’ll just decide to have a wank won’t you. Guess what, the University has banned porn. There are ways around the censorship it but if I write about them on here they’ll disappear. So go forth and discover, your search will be quite an adventure my friend.

The end of the tracks for the one-handed typist.

Y – You

If you enjoyed this article then get in touch with the Tab and contribute. If you hated it then get in touch with the Tab and write something better. I promise to get your article (if it’s any good, is short and is about a topic that directly affects AU students) online as unaltered as is humanely possible. Don’t hate. Participate!

Z – Zukon

Hehehe.