Club Profile #1: AUMHC

In the first part of the Tab’s ‘Club Review’ series AU’s hockey boys go under the knife.


Aberdeen University Men’s Hockey Club is a great club. It can look over its 109th season with pride. The 1st XI won the BUCS conference cup, the third XI for the first time ever claimed the highly competitive North District Division. After that and a summer pre-season spent soaking up Lisbon and all it had to offer the club looks forward to continue its prestigious reputation. But what of the people that the club attracts? A collection of failed jocks, loudmouths and oddities, AUMHC attracts all kinds of strange and loopy characters. Any clubs successes and failures are just a product of its members attributes and here is three of its best.

President: Michael ‘Eskimo’ Thorburn

This guy led a tour to Prague in 2012 and after returning home he collapsed, having discovered a hole in his heart. Eskimo then spent months on surgery waiting lists, had numerous surgeries and had to walk about with a dodgy ticker for a year. He was universally voted in as President this year as the club realized that not only had he done everything he could have done behind the scenes in his year as Vice-President but he had also literally broken his own heart by leading from the front (of the bar) on a particularly raucous tour. This reporter feels that it is that kind of self-sacrifice that makes him such a popular President.

Eskimo doing a great job of making the other tour captain look tall and handsome.

Eskimo doing a great job of making the other tour captain look tall and handsome.

Match Secretary: Hilts

Solid. Reliable. The kind of man that has porridge instead of cheerios in the morning. An avid fan of shitey action films Hiltsy is a stalwart of the club. Hilts is the kind of man who genuinely hates Joe Hart for doing a head & shoulders advert as he feels that men should go bald proudly and without resistance. Hilts is the kind of Scot who when completely inebriated, can be found shouting ‘English Bastards’ in random directions yet lives with three of them. He is also the kind of man who runs the hockey club behind the scenes without any credit. A (balding) hero.

Hilts pretending to be an extrovert.

Hilts pretending to be an extrovert.

Elder Statesman: Conor Thompson
Conor Thompson is a nice man. A man so nice that you would let him sleep with your mate’s sister. A cheery, rosy-cheeked Irishman training to be a medic; his opinion is so highly held that this reporter once allowed him to inspect a strange mark on my bum cheek. He casually studied (and presumably admired) my perfectly formed buttocks and had the decency to not sound patronising as he told me that it was just an astro-turf burn. A great man.
He may be nice... ... But he aint pretty

He may be nice…
… But he aint pretty

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