Bouncer Logic: Idiot Medic Bleeds Everywhere

Howdy.

The hangover from freshers week may have abated, but your burning shame, every modicum of dignity and any other term for making a tool of yourself linger on.

The latest reports suggest a record number of VKs were consumed. I sincerely hope, for your own future dignity that you weren’t photographed with one. You will at some point ask yourself what you were bloody thinking drinking alcohol with more “e’s” on the ingredient list than a night out in Manchester circa 1991. Trust me.

Where to start… in my last article, I briefly touched on the importance of wearing some sort of shoes. Shoes are important for a few reasons.

The twat who decided to smash their bottle on the dance floor doesn’t have to clean you up, he doesn’t think about it. I however have a duty of care, so imagine my delight at walking into the first aid room thinking there had been an alien born in there. Alcohol thins the blood, which means it pisses out like 3 tropical vks on an empty stomach, it also stops the blood clotting which means its harder to stop the flow.

This is all bad enough, imagine after being patched up, questioning whether your fake tan will be ok on the foot you’ve sliced, and subsequently lathered in claret and having to have an ambulance called…have the paramedic have to take (with force) your vk away from you, as apparently alcohol isnt allowed in an ambulance. Said girl was studying nursing, this worries me because apparently “I’m a nurse” makes it ok to nearly bleed to death and act irresponsibly. On this merit, do politics students get to claim all their vks on expenses?!

And so ends another segment. No doubt ill have another smorgasbord of vagabond behavioral studies to mull over next week.

Stay safe out there!

The Bouncer