ambulance strikes 2022

Hickeys and comedowns: The hectic campus ambulance call outs that cost thousands

We’ve all convinced ourselves we’re dying on WebMD

For many of us, the festive season is an opportunity to get our blood alcohol content to an all-time high. And, thanks to Prosecco-induced clumsiness and crippling hangxiety, more than one in six ambulance call outs are alcohol-related, according to the most recent stats. But this Christmas, following in the footsteps of this month’s nurse walk outs, ambulance crews are striking on 21 and 28 December. So, collectively as a mulled glugging nation— we need to get our shit together.

Students aren’t the only people costing the NHS thousands (around £250 per ambulance call out) in the case of a non-emergency. A study of 300 consecutive ambulance arrivals to an A&E in London found that only 54 per cent of patients genuinely needed an ambulance. But hastily dialled 999 calls on campuses are common and these are the most hectic reasons students have called for help:

‘Many a comedown, Many a WebMD session convincing me I’m having a heart attack’ – James, Royal Holloway

The night after a night out is a uniquely dark time. Hearts pounding, heads thumping, increased feelings of neediness and horror so intense you think you might actually die– according to your symptoms, WebMD really thinks you might. SOS? 999? 

‘Gave my ex a hickey so hard that it was pulsating and purple and was worried I’d burst a vessel,’ – Saba, Uni of York 

Death by hickey would be a tragic way to go. But what is this? Twilight? Mostly, it’s literally just a bruise. Probs try calling your medic house mate before reaching out to the professionals. 

‘I rubbed raw frozen carrot on my face forgetting I was allergic at an afters,’ – Anon, Bournemouth Uni 

Anaphylaxis is no joke but maybe keep away from the frozen veg when you’re spaced out at 6am. 

‘BF was giving me a drunk piggy back, I jumped, he missed and I landed on my head,’ – Kate, Uni of Manchester 

Romantic. But risky. 

‘Drank too much and convinced myself I was gonna die,’  – Hannah, Nottingham Uni 

There’s nothing quite like the Jägerbomb heart palps.

‘Housemate started freaking out that they were high after I gave them 2 weed gummies,’ – Cat, Uni of Exeter  

Have we learned nothing from The Inbetweeners? 

Related stories recommended by this writer:

Forget chunder charts, these Freshers have an ambulance chart in their kitchen 

‘I work 40 hours with no recognition and no money’: Why student nurses are on strike today 

‘I had to be taken away in an ambulance’: Notts students share their craziest Freshers’ stories