Men are sharing what green flags they like to see in women and bestie, I’m scared

After a year of red flags and icks, the dating dictionary has finally turned its page to a new, and more positive, term: green flags. Basically, these are any hints that the person you’re seeing is likely to be great in a relationship. Eg. characteristics like kindness or generosity. 

Except some men on TikTok and Twitter have been sharing some seriously troubling green flags they wish women would have. Like, they’re so bad they might be satire. I literally cannot tell. 

Seemingly, the origin for this sudden green flag overshare comes from a TikTok user called @ohmontaine who started a series called “Oddly specific green flags that men find attractive in women”. His answers range from ridiculous to faintly misogynistic and tbh make me want to never date again. 

Let’s take a closer look at the chaos: 

‘Women who like drinking a casual beer’

Not an organised beer. Never a prescheduled after work bev. If you want to get guys attention you need to be sipping pints at a moments notice. Maybe never leave the pub? Just keep kicking around casually with the regulars and the landlord.

‘Women who know more about beer than I do – same goes for coffee’ 

Start revising people. If you don’t know your IPAs from your pale ales then literally what is the fucking point. Start Googling with an espresso in hand and maybe you’ll have a boyfriend before Christmas.

‘Women who are okay with looking dirty’

If you’re marinading in fake tan and last night’s make up you’re doing it wrong. This man wants “elegant dirty” women in “oversized shirts, shitty fitting clothing, no makeup, messy hair”. Basically, wear his clothes and bin your tangle teaser. Easy enough.

‘Women who get along with their families’

Children of broken homes need not apply. It’s white picket fences and big smiles all round for this guy.

‘Reading in public’

Cracking a book in front of others “shows you don’t take yourself too seriously” according to @ohmontaine. Because, obviously, reading is for nerds and if you’re willing to do it in public then you must be pretty relaxed about your reputation.

‘Clean mirrors in your house’ 

Get scrubbing those finger prints and foundation splodges away because you are never going to be wifey material unless your man can gaze at himself all day long when he comes over. 

‘People who use tote bags to go shopping’ 

“Come on bro. Care about the environment. That’s hot.”

‘People who know how to bargain hunt’

Coupons, flight deals, it’s time to get thrifty.

‘Someone who has a cute sneeze’

No loud mannish sneezes over here please and thank you. Because you are dainty. You are elegant. You are a women.

‘Clumsiness’ 

Apparently, this is cute “as long as you’re not actually hurting yourself”. So, take a lil tumble but don’t EVER fall flat on your arse.

@ohmontaine’s list of requirements has inspired numerous other men to share what they wish to find in a woman on TikTok and the bar is in absolute hell.

Brace yourself for impact.

‘She doesn’t party, drink, or smoke’ 

Wave goodbye to the streets because you are never going out again. This bloke also wants women to respect their family, specifically, the men in their lives. It’s giving oppression.

‘Be totally unaware of the news’

“Who’s Elon Musk?” you should ask while tossing your hair over your shoulder because this man wants you to be OBLIVIOUS. Yup, turn off BBC News notifications, we’re entering our bimbo era. 

‘She has to be a little, scared, nervous and anxious’

This one is straight up serving serial killer energy. He wants you to be scared and anxious around him so he can keep you safe. Confidence? Never. “I could be Ted Bundy for all you know.”

‘Has a low body count and respects her father’

The patriarchy is thriving and don’t you forget it. Because, according to the Masculine Empowerment TikTok account, only when you like taking care of men, respect your father, and don’t have ANY tattoos are you suitable for a long term relationship.

And the tirade of requirements needed to be a modern day ideal woman has infiltrated to numerous other corners of the internet, including Twitter. And these green flags might actually be the most terrifying critera of the lot: 

‘When a girl gives you bad head’

The slut shaming, the patronising, the gall.

‘When girls have their nails done’

Are you paying for the shellac, babes?

‘Cleanliness, remember she could be your potential wife’

Wife? Or cleaner? Which is it?

‘When a girl commits a bit of arson’

Just a minor felony x

‘When she has a picture of her and her ex on her dating profile’ 

Never move on, never forget.

Related stories recommended by this writer:

•These stories about girls getting the ick are literally giving me the ick

•Have you caught The Ick or is it just a phase? Take this quiz to find out

•‘He wanked next to me as I slept’: The wildest reasons you’ve caught The Ick