Ranking all the MAFS UK 2022 cast by how much of a menace to society they are

If you have shepherd’s pie hair, you’re a certified menace

1 year ago

Married at First Sight UK is over, but the way it lives rent free in my mind shows no signs of stopping – everyone has their opinion on who from MAFS was right and who was wrong, and this is the definitive ranked list of the 2022 cast by how much of a bloody menace they are to society. Completely lighthearted of course, and in good jest. Mostly.

We’ll start from the least, most minimum menace and work our way up to the grand, phantom menace. Let’s go.

20-17: Not a menace in the slightest

20. Kasia

Via ITV

No one this iconic has ever been menacing to anyone. Society is better off with this queen in it!

19. Chanita

Via ITV

There is no way on God’s green earth that this lovely soul has ever been called a menace by anyone. She radiates everything good and right with this world and deserves nothing but happiness.

18. Jenna

Via ITV

The one good thing to come out of this season is the lovely Jenna getting a solid marriage to Zoe. I’m so happy for them both. As much as non-vegans try and say she’s a menace for pushing a vegan agenda – I eat meat and didn’t think Jenna was pushy or preachy. Love her!

17. Lara

Via ITV

I believe in Lara supremacy. She is menace-free and deserves another go with a fella that doesn’t have quite the same level of “Anyway, here’s Wonderwall” energy as Richie did.

16-14: Mild menaces

16. Sophie

Via ITV

I cherish a bit of Sophie, but I truly believe you can’t be from this rich a background and not have a mild hint of menace about you.

15. Zoe

Via ITV

Look, I like Zoe. But anyone from MAFS UK who is shocked that vegans can’t eat eggs in our good year of 2022 and who keeps a pickled rat in a jar in their kitchen deserves to be ranked as mildly menacing.

14. Adrian

Via ITV

All musical theatre gays are at least a smidgen of a menace to society, and that is a stone cold fact I fear.

13-10: Moderately menacing

13. Pjay

Via ITV

All owners of Harry Potter tattoos are a moderate menace to society.

12. Jordan

Via ITV

Would have got off menace-free if he didn’t break Chanita’s heart. End of.

11. Richie

Via ITV

The haircut and the permanent overhanging threat of someone about to burst into unrequested white man dad rock makes Richie quite the menace indeed.

10. Gemma

Via ITV

I feel sorry for Gemma, but I also would not like to piss her off or be on the receiving end of one of her seething Instagram stories. Not a villain, but a menacing streak remains.

9-5: Certified menace

9. April

Via ITV

If you apply for every single reality TV show under the sun, sooner or later you are going to emerge a menace.

8. Duka

Via ITV

Anyone who does impressions as cursed as Duka’s are is a menace unfortunately.

7. Jess

Via ITV

Another Harry Potter tattoo menace, but this one comes with added judgemental behaviour towards stripping as a job!

6. Thomas

Via ITV

Look, whether you like him or hate him it’s obvious that of all the menaces it is Thomas who has caused the most global uproar and outrage.

5. Whitney

Via ITV

The eye-roll alone is unprecedented levels of menace.

4-2: Massively menacing

4. George

Via ITV

Presented without comment.

3. Johnathan

Via ITV

If you are comfortable with telling your wife how she should exercise at the gym so that she fits into your expectation of her beauty standards then it goes without saying that you are ranked as a MAFS UK menace to society in 2022.

2. Matt

Via ITV

Multiple cast members have called him out for being aggressive and he has a haircut akin to a shepherd’s pie. Society is quaking.

1: MAXIMUM MENACE

1. Kwame

Via ITV

You take your wife to a park bench instead of a homestay. You laugh when she talks about her personal and emotional journey. You release a rap song featuring a lyric that quite literally says “dick long like placenta.” This is maximum menace.

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