Ranking every cursed gesture in Luca and Gemma’s going official video from worst to worser

I regret to inform you that Luca Bish’s reign of TikTok terror has shown no signs of coming to an end, and we are yet to be able to bask in the sweet light of peace and freedom. The latest horror comes in the form of a video to announce the news that Luca Bish and Gemma Owen are finally ‘official’ – a term that in this case barely means a crumb of a thing, since they’ve been exclusive and doing every single thing a couple does when they are ‘official’ for the best part of the last two months. But what Luca and Gemma have conjured up for their socials to announce to the world that they’re official is no normal slipping in of the question after a few wines and a Chinese – it’s a cinematic ordeal with an MCU budget and content so horrifying that it’s got Stephen King on the ropes. Here’s every energy-draining gesture in the Luca and Gemma ‘official’ video, ranked from worst to even bloody worser.

8. More roses than the population of London

Look, we all love a rose. But this is the behaviour of someone who needs a hobby as a matter of urgency. There are more poppies here than I’ve had hot dinners.

7. The dangly cheap red streamers

Are you seriously telling me that you’ve got the budget to hire a cellist and a drone but for finishing touches you’ve dangled a bit of crepe paper from Hobbycraft?

6. What the Cartier is going on?

I can’t stop thinking about how Gemma and Luca had the cheek to say they “didn’t have to make a big deal about being official like some people in here” when they were in the Love Island villa only to then come out with a video like this. Beggar’s belief.

5. Drone footage

I feel like I’m playing The Sims and I’ve just spammed motherlode. The letters in the pool are just a glitch in the game, pay them no mind.

4. The music

The song Luca went with for his hallowed video to make him and Gemma official is a maudlin track called Why I Love You by Major. It sounds like if you bought A Thousand Years by Christina Perri from Wish.

3. FREE THE CELLIST

Play a duff note if you need help!

2. Luca smiling over Gemma’s shoulder during the unboxing

You could be forgiven for thinking that this was the lingeringly haunting final shot of the seminal 1973 horror classic Don’t Look Now, but it is not. It’s Luca Bish looking at Gemma Owen unboxing a bracelet. Which in many ways, is scarier.

1. ‘Be my girlfriend’: Statement or Question?

There is no question mark balloon. So, Luca Bish, is this official video climax a question or a statement – did Gemma get to make a yes or no answer? Or was this an order? You’re telling me he went to all this effort and thought to book a drone, a cellist and an army of roses and a simple question mark balloon slipped his mind? I am stressed.

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