A definitive ranking of all the Derry Girls characters from worst to Sister Michael

You’re lying to yourself if you think Clare is in the top five

Derry Girls is complete perfection but that doesn’t mean some characters aren’t better than others. The Derry Girls fans are too quick to judge by saying everyone is equal levels of funny in Derry but we all know that’s just not true. For example, Ma Mary is not a patch on Aunt Sarah and I don’t care who knows it. Gun to your head, who’s more entertaining out of Clare and Sister Michael? Exactly – it’s Sister Michael. So here’s a definitive and indisputable ranking of the Derry Girls characters.

12. Jenny Joyce

I’m not an idiot. I know an annoying character when I see one. But first let’s get one thing straight: there aren’t any bad characters in the show. By no means is Jenny Joyce the worst – she’s just not the best and only really gives one decent laugh every season. Hence why she’s ranked at the very bottom.

11. James

via Channel 4

I think James Maguire is dry and I don’t care who knows it. Put this boy in a room of people without Erin, Orla, Clare or Michelle and he will crumble. Sure, he’s a Derry Girl but at what cost? He’s not funny alone! End of.

10. Ma Mary

via Channel 4

Ma Mary doesn’t add much to the Derry Girls world for me. She’s starting to get more exciting in season three but lacking something big.

9. Da Jerry

via Channel 4

Jerry’s entire personality is being hated by his father-in-law. The man has literally nothing else going for him and I say that with my CHEST. There’s a reason why this man is always looked over and ignored.

8. Clare

via Channel 4

The wee lesbian ranking in sixth place might shock you. But let’s be real here, she’s unhinged and just screams all the time. Her mouth is constantly moving even if there aren’t any words coming out. She is on the go all the time, I lose so much energy watching her on telly.

7. Erin

via Channel 4

Can Erin give us a crumb of anything else other than chaos? Everyone knows that the main character of any show flops. It’s a fact.

6. Uncle Colm

via Channel 4

Finally we’re getting somewhere good. Uncle Colm is a comedy king – most things this man does make me laugh. And I know the whole point of his character is to be slow and irritating but that’s why he’s sixth place. He’s annoying when given too much screen time, end of.

5. Granda Joe

a king, via Channel 4

Granda Joe is genuinely really funny. He doesn’t get enough credit. But he’s ranking fifth place because part of me still thinks his personality is 90 per cent taken up by his genuine hatred of Jerry or any man who enters the lives of his daughters.

4. Michelle

via Channel 4

Michelle is the Derry Girls golden girl. Her one liners are so good, she’s the perfect balance of funny, calm and chaotic. But her downfall? Predictability. I feel like I know what Michelle is about to do even before Michelle knows what she’s going to do.

3. Aunt Sarah

an icon, via Channel 4

It’s a dog eat dog world when it comes to second place in this Derry Girl’s ranking and unfortunately Aunt Sarah simply didn’t make the cut. Aunt Sarah came third because she’s not as good as the top two. We don’t speak of her taste in men.

2. Orla

via Channel 4

I would die for Orla Quinn – there’s no denying that. If you haven’t watched an episode of Derry Girls and just focused on the background and whatever Orla is doing then I can’t recommend it enough. She smashes it every single episode. A laugh a minute when Orla is about but she’s too kind to be first place.

1. Sister Michael

our winner, via Channel 4

Obviously there could only be one winner and obviously that person had to be Sister George Michael. If Sister Michael has a million fans, I am one of them. If Sister Michael has ten fans, I am one of them. If Sister Michael has two fans it’s me and Jenny Joyce. If Sister Michael has zero fans, I am dead. If the world is against Sister Michael, I am against the world.

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