A definitive list of the most unnecessary Marks & Spencer items to ever exist

Over the years, M&S has definitely released some items I couldn’t see my world without now, I mean, it’s the company that brought us the OG Colin the Caterpillar and Percy Pigs, not to mention more recently, Colin faces and Colin cake jars (okay, maybe I’m just obsessed with Colin). Honestly as a student, nothing makes me feel more boujee than splashing out on an M&S ready meal.

However, there have been *quite a few* times M&S has seriously missed the mark. Below, you’ll find a list of the most unnecessary or strange items that good old Marks has ever put out.

No less than three different types of fruit basket

I’m sorry, what in the upper middle class is this?? Prices range from £18 for a “Small Fresh Fruit Selection” that includes items like “1x Oranges” to £25 for a “Medium Fresh Fruit Selection”, that comes with one more banana and other fun fruit, like a pineapple.

This shocked me so much that I went on the Tesco website, and found out you could get everything in the “Small Fresh Fruit Selection” (and more, since some stuff comes in packs) for less than half the price.

Smoked salmon, champagne and caviar gift set

No joke, this costs £120. Not only is this ridiculously expensive and unnecessary, it’s not even really a good gift. Like imagine opening a present on Christmas Day and its… fish and fish eggs. To be honest, would just prefer the cool bag on its own. Perfect for your caviar!

M&S smoked salmon, cream cheese and champagne crisps

If you can’t afford the gift hamper – why not get the crisps! M&S brought out this atrocity in 2017, to the dismay of the general public. I don’t even want to BEGIN to imagine what these tasted like, although according to the Daily Mail, they smelt like “cat food”. Looks like M&S learnt their lesson though, because you can’t buy them anymore (phew).

M&S Ho Ho Homball

At first, I thought this might be a kid’s TV show character that I just didn’t know about, and maybe it’s a super cute gift for kids (affordable too – at only £6). However upon further research, I discovered that “Omballs” are just these? made up chocolate balls? that M&S sell?

Described as “quirky and oh-so-cheeky”, they come in all shapes and sizes, including a donut known as an “Omballs Yumnut”. Please. I just want a normal donut.

All I can say is that this entire collection, but specifically the Ho Ho Homball, is so upsettingly cursed it’s probably going to give me nightmares.

The LGBT sandwich

Of course I haven’t forgotten about this. Back in May 2019, M&S released what they called their “Pride Sandwich”, which upset a lot of people. Although M&S donated £10,000 to AKT, the UK’s national LGBTQ+ youth homelessness charity, let’s be honest, they could have just done this without the sandwich. Obviously we all want to support LGBTQ+ people – but we don’t need a sandwich to do this.

Percy Pig Christmas Wreath

Now I’m all one for starting new traditions, but replacing a normal Christmas wreath with this is NOT one of them. I quite honestly cannot comprehend why this exists, or what makes it a “Christmas” wreath instead of just a circle of Percy Pigs, which is basically what it is.

Percy Pig at Home Hamper

I’m sorry, but never once in my life have I had a bad day and gone “you know what I really want? One of my favourite sweet treats to be plastered onto a hot water bottle, a blanket and an eye mask and delivered to me in a box that also has its face on it”. And not only that, but it’s £49. Who is driving this Percy Pig demand??

Percy Pig personalised cushion

I am absolutely begging you to leave Percy Pig as a sweet and nothing else. There is such a ridiculous amount of Percy Pig merch on the M&S website, it’s basically a fan account. This cushion is just under £20 and you can personalise it with your name? Literally no one has ever needed this.

Featured image background via Resul Mentes/Unsplash, overlays via Marks and Spencer, Twitter

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