They’re here! Meet Boris Johnson’s new racist, homophobic, anti-immigrant cabinet

The reshuffle was like a really lame Casa Amor recoupling


So yesterday Boris had the entirety of Twitter sat on the edge of their seat as he reshuffled his cabinet. After what felt like a million years of waiting, the final touches were announced and we can safely say: they’ve all done something absolutely fucked in their career one time or another.

From voting against same sex marriage, to voting against measures to prevent climate change and voting to create tougher immigration rules – the new cabinet sure do bring a lot. This year Boris Johnson has said he wishes to get on with getting through the pandemic and has appointed his cabinet in order to help him do so. Now then, let’s meet some of the new cabinet members:

Nadine Dorries MP

64-year-old Nadine Dorries is originally from Liverpool. She has recently been appointed Secretary of State for Digital, Culture, Media and Sport after Boris reshuffled his cabinet. Formerly, she worked as The Minister of State for mental health, suicide prevention and patient safety which, while she was under that title, she straight up denied the UK was in a mental health crisis. But we’re not here to focus on her old role, let’s look forward and see what views Nadine can bring to her new position.

Let’s take a look at her highlights because boy, oh, boy she’s got some corkers. She voted against same sex marriage nine times and she even voted against spending public money on creating jobs for young people who have been unemployed for a significant amount of time. You’ll also be pleased to know her Twitter is an absolute goldmine for dickhead, sorry I mean kind, tweets.

In 2017 Nadine claimed “left wing snowflakes” were killing culture and she went as far to say they are “removing Christ from Christmas” which is actually pretty jokes.

Nadine is also an author but the reviews of her books aren’t good. But to be fair, in the last year she’s somehow managed to make a fair bit of moolah from her books. Since September 2020, she’s made over £125,000 as an author of books your nan buys from WHSmith. Fair game, Nadine.

Simon Clarke MP

36-year-old Simon was recently appointed Chief Secretary to the Treasury. He says he’s had a great first day in his new role and he’s very excited. So to celebrate Simon’s success with him, let’s look at his voting record. You might be pretty impressed by it if you get impressed by someone who votes in favour of bad stuff.

Simon voted FIVE times against preventing climate change – don’t you just love a man who cares for the environment? I know I do. And if his stance on climate change wasn’t enough, just wait until you see what Simon thinks about our social issues.

Simon voted against gay marriage and he also voted twice against equal gay rights. Not to mention voting three times against allowing laws to promote equality and basic human rights!  If all of this isn’t enough to make you want to couple up with our Si then his Twitter definitely will. During the BLM movement back in 2020, Simon claimed on Twitter the “BLM movement has a specific and controversial political agenda” but when someone tried to set him straight his response was “Get. Stuffed.”

Simon has beautiful manners

Michael Gove MP

If you thought the cabinet was looking a bit dry so far, wait until you read party boy Michael’s profile. This 54-year-old sesh head went all the way to Aberdeen to go clubbing alone! What a legend!! But when he’s not clubbing in Aberdeen or making classist, sexist, racist and homophobic speeches, he’s voting for gay rights!

Yeah baby, you read that right. Michael is voting FOR gay rights. What a man! He voted for same sex marriage PLUS a more transparent government. But don’t panic and start thinking he’s a good guy because he is arguably just as shit as the others. Michael voted for an even stronger enforcement of immigration rules and he voted a whopping great 12 times for a stricter asylum system.

He also voted against paying higher benefits over longer periods to those who are unable to work due to illness or disability. Does he sound like someone you’d want to couple up with? Well don’t make any rash decisions until you read about who’s up next.

Michelle Donelan MP

37-year-old Michelle from Cheshire is in charge of all things uni related so you already know this is going to be a good one.

Do you like someone who has strong values? Well then, Michelle might be the perfect woman for you because her values on immigration are made of steel. Out of a possible nine votes, Michelle voted nine times for stronger enforcement on immigration rules AND voted 11 times for a stricter asylum system. Not to mention she voted 18 times against the right to remain for EU nationals already living in the UK.

Priti Patel MP

Priti is a 49-year-old woman and Home Secretary of the UK. She’s previously worked as Exchequer Secretary to David Cameron and Secretary for International Employment under Theresa May. But Boris has kept her on as Home Secretary for two years now – so she must be good! Right?? Wrong.

She once said her political hero was Margaret Thatcher. Priti said, “she had a unique ability to understand what made people tick, households tick and businesses tick.” She sounds like a passionate person, so let’s take a look into her voting history.

Priti has consistently voted for stronger enforcement of immigration rules and a stricter asylum system. She has also always voted for keeping tuition fees and ending financial support for people aged between 16 and 19 in training and further education. Seems like an absolute superstar, doesn’t she?

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Feature image courtesy of Frank 2012, Michael Tubi and Ilyas Tayfun Salci on Shutterstock.

Voting facts provided by They Work For You.