Secret Garden Party is back, but wants you to answer a cringe ‘application form’ to buy tickets

Question one on the application form: What is a party?

Secret Garden Party is back, but with a catch. The festival, beloved by London media professionals with convenient family homes in Cambridgeshire, is asking would-be attendees to fill out an application form to buy tickets.

The first question asks you to define a party. This sets off sweaty palms – what if I say something uncool?

Feted for its swimming lake and sunflower field, Secret Garden Party has been away for five years. In that time, you’d hope they’d thought about the artistic direction of the festival. But the second question asks you to choose your ideal headliner – and there are some wild fluctuations in the vibes on offer. I’m guessing you won’t get a ticket if you choose Insane Clown Posse. No knives, flares, or juggalos – them’s the rules.

For the third question, there doesn’t seem to be a wrong answer. Apart from if you display a xenophobic attitude to objects in your drink.

Until its final edition in 2017, Secret Garden Party had run for 15 years. Its final edition, the festival was headlined by Crystal Fighters, Metronomy, and the late Toots and the Maytals. To gain entry to this year’s revival, you’ll finish the application form this leading question. I was honestly just planning on wearing shorts and a slightly fun shirt. Where’s the option for boring people?

Hey, it might just be a very elaborate captcha to make sure people aren’t robots or buying too many tickets. Maybe they’re just trying to make it more fun than clicking on the squares with traffic lights in them. Or maybe it’s a deadly serious social engineering exercise. Only time will tell.

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