The definitive ranking of all 11 Princess Fiona looks from across the Shrek films
Green is the new black, baby!
Not many outfits have been burnt into my brain with such enduring longevity like the various gowns feminist icon Princess Fiona sports across the four Shrek films. Whilst she may not always be at the forefront of the future of fashion, our Princess Fiona is at the forefront of our hearts. A burping princess who can go full Buffy if she needs to? That’s a woman I’d be friends with for a very long time. Get me and Fiona to a bottomless brunch urgently.
You might not realise this, but Fiona actually has an extensive wardrobe. It’s not only the green dress. Far Far Away’s most ogre-iffic export has really took us to Swamp Fashion Week and back again across the films in the Shrek cinematic universe, and this is every look our queen of green has ever sported… RANKED:
11. This hell from Shrek The Third
I actually have a theory that Shrek 3 is so shit simply because of this dress. I know she was pregnant in it but come ON, darlin’! Vile from head to toe. This picture is lowkey giving me Midsommar though? Cinematic parallels!
10. The mumsy salmon monstrosity
What the peasant woman from 1543 is going on? A misstep. My Grandma’s carpet wrapped round an ogre body.
9. Leader of the Ogre Resistance vibes
It’s all a bit Skyrim, isn’t it? Not a bad job done here, really suits the intended vibe but it isn’t even the actual Princess Fiona so I can’t place it that high with it not exactly being canonically our queen. End of.
8. Lavender dress from Shrek 2
The follow up to the iconic Fiona in Shrek 1 dress needed to be a wow, and I don’t think this lavender look ever really hit the same stride. There’s something about it that looks mouldy. I just know it stinks. Which I assume is part of the package of being a swamp dweller, but would like to at least be able to turn a blind eye. And in this pongy look, I just can’t.
7. The gown Fairy Godmother zaps on her
This is the wardrobe of a Blackpool drag queen. The sequins, the glitter and that little animal print trim? Looking camp right in the eye. I love high camp fashion but this has been dragged down the list because Fiona simply does not wear it well. So much of how successful fashion is is based on how you wear it, and Princess Fiona looks like she wants the ground to swallow her whole in this.
6. Wedding dress from the Farquaad wedding
Okay, forced arrange marriage aside, it’s a bit beautiful isn’t it? Even the childish pink pop outs are excusable. That waist is snatched, girlies.
5. The Green Dress 2.0: Reloaded – from Shrek 2
You can’t beat a classic, but this dress sure did try. Fiona jazzed up the original with a darker hue and some inexplicable grey panels that add … nothing. They look like a white sock coming out of the wash after being put in accidentally with colours. Such an ugly shade of grey. But Fiona in green? Always a bit of a wow.
4. The swimwear ensemble
You know that even when the category is resort wear, Fiona will be serving IT. She let the fish have it with this one. Hot girl summer ready, the most scorching of the Princess Fiona Shrek outfits. Also perfect to launch promiscuous mermaids into the abyss in, as evidenced below.
3. Funeral chic
Whilst of course the occasion was no cause for celebration, this dress alone is worthy of a street party. Can somebody say dark lady? Cher is quaking. It just got a bit severe up in here, mama! The tears, the drama, the goth. Telenovela glamour baby.
2. The original green WOW
The green! The yellow! The embroidery is so detailed and perfection it actually feels like looking at a bit of history. It fits her so good you’d be forgiven for thinking it was actually painted on. She wears this look like a goddess. Anna Wintour has spent the years since Shrek came out desperately trying to capture a fashion moment with just a fraction of the revolutionary energy this look has.
Are you seeing this? Are you ACTUALLY seeing this? Girls, she is dripping in pearls. She’s the Princess Diana of Far Far Away here. This is the most beautiful a cartoon has ever looked or ever will look. I am worshipping at the altar of this masterpiece and have been doing so since I first clapped eyes on Shrek 2. If Princess Fiona spat on me wearing the best of her Shrek outfits I would simply have no other choice but to say thank you.