This is what your favourite British quiz show says about you
Only club promoters like Who Wants to Be a Millionaire
Quiz shows are a staple of British TV. From Anne Robinson yelling at contestants on The Weakest Link in the noughties (she went way past character building) to the horror that is Quizness in 2021, nothing beats watching people from all walks of life answering questions for money, fame and occasionally a trophy.
Your choice of quiz show is so much more than a preference, and your choice of five o’clock weekday viewing (there’s only one correct option), can both make and break friendships. While loving The Chase obviously demonstrates character and taste, anyone who prefers Pointless has a cold heart. Where’s the comedy? Where’s the joy?
I strongly believe Tinder should make it compulsory for your potential matches to share their opinion on Catchphrase. Imagine the heartbreak of finding out ten years down the line that your husband and the father of your children shouts out catchphrases at the TV and thinks that Mr Chips is the height of comedy. You’d have to throw the marriage away.
There are so many British quiz shows to choose from that it is easy to get an accurate, nearly scientific assessment of who a person really is by their favourite quiz show. Forget zodiac signs or personality tests, this is who you really are:
The Chase is an iconic show, made for icons. If this is your favourite quiz show you’re clever, funny and probably fit. You’re the type of person I’d leave my drink with at the bar with no concerns, the friend that orders the Uber on a night out, an all round good person. Well done you.
The Chase has everything you could ask for from a TV quiz. Bradley Walsh, the backbone of the series, is like a good friend, accompanying his quiz team and his viewers through the world of quizzing. The questions strike the perfect balance between difficult specialisms, general knowledge and hilarious multiple choice answers so neither the contestants or the audience at home are left bored or confused. Perfection.
Don’t get me started on the Chasers. An absolute dream team. They’d be a great supergroup for next years Eurovision and surely no one would give The Beast, Mark Labett, nil points.
The newest Chaser Darragh Ennis is the sexiest man on TV before 9pm. I’ve said it. It’s something to do with the Irish accent I think.
While Pointless itself is an okay show, and Alexander Armstrong and Richard Osman together are actually quite funny, the fact it’s on at the same time as the The Chase means that anyone who chooses Pointless is a sociopath.
You’re the type of person who runs for fun and tells everyone about it, eats plain granola and enjoys it and listens to BBC Radio 2 before they’re 40. No one is too good for The Chase, although this person thinks they are.
At pres you insist on playing an obscure indie band that “no one’s heard of yet” (it’s The Kooks) and insist that you genuinely enjoy drinking red wine as everyone else enjoys a VK. You’re the type of person who stands at the edge of the club and think ABBA’s a bit overrated. You’re not the main character and you’ve got big pick me energy, sorry.
No one watches Tenable out of choice. It’s somehow the easiest and the hardest game on TV, who actually knows 10 answers to any question?
If you’re watching Tenable as a starter before The Chase (undoubtedly the main course) then I’ll accept that, but it can’t genuinely be anyone’s favourite. Tenable is big sad boy/sad girl energy. You love your dressing gown, your long term partner and salt and vinegar crisps (probably to make up for the lack of flavour in Tenable).
You’re the type of person who peaks too hard at pres and has to go to bed at eight, even though you’d been telling everyone all day about what a big night it was going to be. Your idea of a big night is a cocktail in a can with the 10pm news on. Please leave the house soon, I’m a bit worried about you tbh.
Again, only an acceptable watch because it’s on before The Chase (and unlike Tenable fans you’ve had the restraint to wait until 4pm). Watching Tipping Point is like running out of money for the slot machines at an arcade and having to watch everyone else play. If Tipping Point is your absolute favourite out of all these shows then unfortunately you have the energy of a wet lettuce leaf.
Your favourite colour is probably brown, you wear walking boots when you’re not even walking and support the Green Party. People who like Tipping Point also eat an ungodly amount of yoghurt, and sometimes treat themselves to a Muller Corner for some excitement and variety (they’re definitely not getting it from the show).
If your favourite quiz show is Mastermind you’re nice enough, clever, but very very intense. You’ve known your specialist subject since you were 13 and interrogate everyone you meet about what theirs would be, although most people just aren’t that bothered about anything that they want to answer as many questions about a topic as they can answer in 6o seconds.
You’ve got niche interests like professional snowboarding or Norse mythology, and are probably pretty cultured. Someone who likes Mastermind has a fridge full of healthy ingredients, listens to podcasts and has an organised to-do-list that they actually check things off. Could never relate, but good for you.
Who Wants to Be a Millionaire
I’m a bit scared of you. There’s no middle ground with Who Wants to Be a Millionaire fans: You either don’t mind watching it when it’s on or would kill a man for the chance to get in that chair and try to win a million pounds.
You’re ruthless, scary and have the energy of a dodgy businessman. Fans of this show are all about money and strategy, and are probably that friend who asks you to transfer them £1 for the shot of vodka they gave you the other day. You have a “business” Instagram account that you use to promote the latest cryptocurrency and harass innocent people in their DMs about “exciting opportunities” that all involve transferring you £50 first.
Club promoters like Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. That sums it up I think.
There’s two types of people who love University Challenge – those who could probably win University Challenge and those who can’t answer one question.
The first type of person is seriously clever, like Giles and Mary from Gogglebox type of clever. University Challenge and the News are the only two programs you actually watch on TV, instead preferring to spend your time reading, writing or listening to classical music in the hope that one day you’ll get on the show. You’ve never written an essay less than a week before the deadline and think that two G&T’s on a week night is wild (you wouldn’t be caught dead with a pink gin and lemonade).
The other type of University Challenge fan is the rest of us: People who watch the show to be humbled and cheer when we get one answer right once every six months.
If Countdown is your favourite quiz show you’re arrogant, and you shouldn’t be. When will you ever have to do an anagram in 30 seconds in real life? You won’t, so stop being smug.
Countdown fans exclusively use WhatsApp, drink black coffee and still have a BlackBerry phone (but they never even used BBM). They also wear scarves even when it’s not hot because they think they’re edgy.
There’s a direct correlation between how much you like Countdown and how clever you think you are, but no one ever qualified for a membership of MENSA just because they could read a dictionary. 8 out of 10 Cats does Countdown is just as bad, except we have to listen to Jimmy Carr as well.
If you voluntarily watch Catchphrase (and actually like it??) I don’t trust you and I don’t trust Mr Chips either. The whole show feels like a drug fuelled nightmare and the general vibe is of a children’s party on acid.
The colour scheme. Mr Chips. The music. Who actually wants to watch an animated sleep paralysis demon act out catchphrases that 99 per cent of the population hasn’t heard of? Murderers and serial killers, that’s who. Stay away from anyone who’s favourite quiz show is Catchphrase.