Ok but why do these 39 awkward things always happen on a one night stand?

When you perch on the bed and make small talk about their Pulp Fiction poster

The pubs have opened, everyone’s getting vaccinated, and you can finally stay over at someone’s house, this means only one thing – casual sex is back. And this of course means the return of the one night stand.

We’ve all had a one night stand and you’re lying if you say you haven’t. They’re never really any good, the sex is lousy, you get a rubbish night’s sleep and you have to do the walk home in your crop top and heels from the night before. It’s full of awkward moments and yet we always forget this when we’re stumbling back from the club with the fit rugby guy you just met in the club.

It’s essentially an entire night full of awkwardness from start to finish. From the perch on the bed to asking them to get you a glass of water, it’s a wonder why we even bother with the one night stand.

But this is soon to be hot girl summer and the first time we can shag strangers in over a year, so the next few months are sure to be full of one night stands. And these 39 awkward moments are bound to happen:

1. If it’s on the way home from a night out you do the awkward chat of pretending to get to know them

2. When in reality you couldn’t care less about their summer in Bali and just want to get to the nearest bed

3. If it’s not after a night out, you’re turning up to their house and having to chat to his mates even though everyone knows why you’re there

4. Going into their room and making small talk about the poster on the wall

5. It’s either Pulp Fiction or Fight Club

6. And they bought it at the Freshers Fair thinking it’s the coolest thing ever

7. Perching on the corner of their bed with your bag in your hand

via BBC

8. You try and pick something on Netflix, knowing full well you’re not watching anything

9. Snuggling up for a cuddle and within five minutes someone has made a move

10. Just as the actual sex is about to happen you have the awkward debate of what contraception to use

11. He will always say he doesn’t want to use a condom

12. Because a) he’s “too big” for them or b) too drunk

13. It’s always B

14. After you’ve finished and you just have to lay there whilst you wait for them to bring you a tissue

15. Having to borrow their T-shirt to use the communal loo

16. Willing yourself to pee really quickly, because they cannot think you do anything else

17. But of course it’s the slowest wee of your life

18. Returning to their room waiting to see if they’re going to invite you to stay over

19. They then painstakingly say you can stay

20. You then have to beg for a pillow as they obviously only have one

21. Then you properly look at their sheets and realised you’ve shagged a guy who owns black bedsheets

22. Or those horrid check ones

23. You’re incredibly thirsty and have to pluck up the courage to ask for a glass of water

24. Which is always tepid and in some crusty looking glass

25. They turn off the light and you wait to find out if they’re a cuddling person or just go to sleep

26. If you’re in a halls single bed, you basically have no choice

27. You’re cuddling just so neither of you falls off the bed

28. They will naturally fall asleep within five minutes

29. Whereas you stare at the ceiling, get no sleep and regret all your life decisions

30. The next morning you try and figure out how early you can leave

31. Or they just kick you out

32. If it’s at yours you try and come up with an excuse to get them to leave

33. You leave the room together and pray no housemates see you

34. There’s a very long five seconds at the door where you decide if you should hug, shake hands or wait for the ground to swallow you up

35. It’s usually a half hearted hug

36. You exchange numbers in full knowledge you will never see each other again

37. You leave the house in your crop top as a parent and their child rush past to school

38. The mum is obviously judging you and you curse yourself

39. You will do the exact same on the next night out

Featured image credit via Netflix

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