There are 11 different sexual energies and here’s your guide to all of them

I reckon I’m a mix of the Romantic and the Fair-Trader


By now we all know what our love language is, but before you get to the part where you’re in love, you usually have sex first. And it turns out there are 11 different sex personality types or energies as I like to call them.

The different sex energies are all based on what you prioritise in bed, what you like and why you want to have sex. For some it’s a way to deepen the emotional connection they have with their partner, for others it’s a way to destress, that release of energy is just like going to the gym for some people.

After 15 years of working with a variety of clients, sex therapist Vanessa Marin came up with 11 sex personality types that we all generally fit into.

Marin told Huffington Post just as it’s important for us to know what we want in a relationship, it’s also key to know what we’re looking for in our sex lives.

From types ranging from The Explorer to The Guardian, there are a lot of complexities and differences in everyone’s sex lives and so this is everything you need to know about the 11 sexual energy types:

The Decompressor

For a Decompressor sex is all about the stress relief it offers you. Your main goal is an orgasm, whether you’re alone or with a partner, because of the mind clearing benefits it offers.

You’re probably quite a tense person and so often use sex as a way to relax. A Decompressor is essentially that person who will spend a good amount of time enjoying the post-orgasm glow.

But obviously the downside to this energy is that you’re all about the end goal which could be a bit off putting to your partner and doesn’t always allow you to fully enjoy it until right at the end.

The Explorer

Just like the name suggests you’re all about trying new things. Whether that’s positions, the use of toys or a new location. For you the fun in sex is trying new stuff, you’re not necessarily kinky, you don’t take anything too seriously.

The only issue with your energy could be because you’re always seeking something new you could end up being disappointed with standard sex.

The Fair-Trader

In life and in sex you believe in equality. You want to know that you and your sexual partner are both putting in as much effort and both getting as much out of it.

Just remember nothing is ever truly fair, so don’t get too hung up on balancing out on who is doing more, as you could end up distracting from the actual joy of sex.

The Giver

Unsurprisingly most men are not this sexual energy type (not a scientific fact, but you know, I reckon it’s true). According to Marin this sexual personality type is much more focused on their partner’s sexual experience than their own.

In fact this type is so into giving to their partner, they may find it uncomfortable to be the focus of sexual attention.

The Guardian

This type of sexual energy is focused on making everyone feel safe during sex.

It could be a person with this energy has experienced some kind of sexual trauma or you’re just really into the feeling of a foundation of security with your partner.

Other things that may cause you to be a Guardian are feelings of shame or embarrassment around sex.

The Passion-Pursuer

If this is your type of sexual energy then you are all about incredibly intense sex. This is the passionate, hot sweaty sex that requires a bunch of different positions and goes on for hours.

According to Marin this type of sexual energy really just wants to “lose themselves in the moment”.

She also advises remembering that sex does not always have to be wild and intense, sometimes it can just be short and sweet on a Tuesday evening before bed.

The Pleasure-Seeker

This has the most fuckboy energy of all the sexual personality types. For a Pleasure-Seeker, the main thing they want from sex, is just that – sex.

They essentially want an orgasm and physical touch. It could be with anyone, it’s not about the emotional connection it’s just purely about the physicality of it all.

However this personality type could make you look as if you’re uncaring towards the other person’s needs so try and remember it’s not all about your orgasm on your one night stand.

If you’re in a relationship you’re probably the type of person who is very touchy feely throughout the day, not from an emotional point of view though, but just because you like touch.

The Prioritiser

For this sexual energy sex is a big deal and is an important part of life. In fact people with this energy type will likely schedule sex into their day, just to make sure their needs are met.

You like a routine and it’s not that you’re sex obsessed exactly, but more that you want to make it a priority in your life for a number of reasons. In a relationship it’s your way of showing that you’re committed and that both partners are putting in effort.

However the downside is becoming so obsessed with getting sex, that it could lose it’s spontaneity or lead you to disappointment when you don’t have it as much as you want.

The Romantic

Intimacy is very important to this sexual energy type. Sex is not really about the physical stuff, instead it’s a way of getting closer to the person you’re sleeping with.

You’re definitely not the type of person to have one night stands and really enjoy eye contact, saying “I love you” and soft touches during sex.

This strive for emotional intimacy means it can often be difficult for you to just enjoy sex because of the pressure you put on the moment to be incredibly deep and meaningful.

The Spiritualist

Let’s face it, you’ve probably been on a gap year if this is your sex personality type. For you sex is a “transcendent experience” says Marin.

You believe sex is a way to connect to a higher power or energy and not just about what’s happening in the body. You might also be in to tantric sex.

However like the Romantic, it can often be hard for a Spiritualist to just see sex for what it is sometimes, as you’re always wanting it to be related to a higher power.

The Thrill-Seeker

The last of the sexual energy types is the Thrill-Seeker who is all about breaking taboos in their sex life and experimenting.

A bit kinkier than The Explorer, you may be into BDSM and powerplay. And unlike the Explorer the main thing that really turns you on is the idea of doing something against the rules that feels forbidden.

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