Every time Mr Poppy should have been straight up fired from the school in Nativity

Nativity is arguably one of the best Christmas films that Britain has to offer and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Whether it is the chaotic nature of Mr Poppy or the uptight being that is Mr Maddens, it’s a perfect symphony of a movie. But there is one question in each Nativity film that resonates with us all: how on EARTH was Mr Poppy allowed to be a teaching assistant for so long?

Sure, he was the fun teacher you kind of wish you had in primary school. The one that would let you get away with anything and everyone would be jealous that he was your cool teaching assistant. But ask yourself this: would you let him babysit your kids? The answer should be no because he is an absolute liability. This man could lose a child in an empty room. He would probably cause them some form of injury, most likely from paint ingestion (don’t ask me why I think this I just do). He’s a mess. The reason he’s the teacher you always wanted but never had is because no way would this man EVER last a week in a real-life school.

Here is a breakdown of every time that Mr Poppy should have absolutely been fired from St Bernadette’s:

1. Wanting to do a death slide

These kids must have ranged from about six to seven years old and yet he wanted them to take part in a death slide from the top of a cathedral? In an ideal world that does sound pretty sick but for 4ft children it’s a bit of a stretch. Don’t even get me started when the boy dressed as an 80s Angel Gabriel swung from the top of the cathedral. He was constantly told no by Mr Maddens but as a recurring theme we see in these films, he ignored him. All it would take is one time ignoring Mr Maddens for a child to die as a result of Mr Poppy’s actions, it just hasn’t happened yet. That wasn’t a threat it just sounded like one.

2. Taking the class to see a woman give birth

No matter what he was trying to show them, was there really any need to scar a bunch of six to seven year olds like that? Absolutely not. If I’d been taken on a school trip to a maternity ward and had to witness that I don’t think I would ever be the same. Kids fainting left, right, and centre, that’s a health hazard if I’ve ever seen one. That’s a LOT of medical forms for parents to sign off on. A suspicious amount.

3. Forging parents’ signatures for two children to go to America

This was the moment the movie peaked for me, if it wasn’t the taking the kids to see women giving birth or pushing Mr Maddens to let the kids go on a death slide this was the pinnacle moment where I thought “yeah, this man should never have been hired.”

Where did the children’s parents think they were? A sleepover at the school? There is no way he should have been allowed to stay on as a teaching assistant in the next two films as he near enough aided in the kidnapping of two children.

4. Starting a ‘rumble’ with Oakmoor students

Now, this part is really funny because there were always two primary schools at loggerheads with one another for the dimmest of reasons. And despite Mr Maddens also blindly taking part, it is clear who started it. If I went home after school and told my mum that my class had gotten into a fight with another school because the teaching assistant started a “rumble”, I don’t know for much longer I would’ve still been there. Also, feel like a parent would have a hard time not being dubious of a teaching assistant using the word “rumble” in any context.

5. Stealing a donkey

The poor farmer who may have owned this donkey is now donkey-less thanks to Mr Poppy. After stealing it in Wales on their way to “A Song For Christmas” (the same show he was told the school wouldn’t be participating in), the donkey pops back up again in the third film titled “Dude,Where’s My Donkey?!” and I can imagine that is exactly what the farmer must’ve been thinking when Mr Poppy thought to steal the animal and take it back to Coventry.

6. STEALING A BABY

This truly did it for me in the second film. If taking a bunch of kids on an excursion to Wales for “A Song For Christmas” after constraining and kidnapping Mr Peterson along with him isn’t enough to make you realise how bad of a teacher he is then I don’t know what else to tell you.

The fact that the mother just casually flagged up to Mrs Bevan like it was no sweat is so bizarre to me, like excuse me that’s your BABY. But alas, Mr Poppy is insane for thinking that was a completely normal thing to do.

7. Stealing the passports and boarding passes of Oakmoor students

In the third film, Mr Poppy takes the children – who are way too old to be in the same year group for so long – and the inspector Mr Shepherd who had lost his memory (at the fault of Mr Poppy), to New York City. First off, that sentence is mad enough. You cannot write this shit. And yeah, it seems like an extremely exciting trip sure, however also very ILLEGAL considering they form a flashmob and steal every Oakmoor students’ passport and ticket and Mr Poppy poses as the severely theatrical Gordon Shakespeare.

I think I’ve exhausted enough of how truly nuts this man is, but deep down we all wish we had Mr Poppy as our classroom assistant but wouldn’t be too keen on leaving our kids with him.

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