Stop romanticising Noah from The Kissing Booth, his behaviour is incredibly toxic

I’ve lost count of his red flags


TW: This article contains mentions of sexual assault

The Kissing Booth 2 came out on Netflix earlier this year and has easily been one of the most popular movies on the site. No one is thinking the film is going to win an Oscar, but it’s fun, easy going and features a beaut house. And the one thing a lot of people are continually obsessing over is Noah Flynn. I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news but Noah Flynn is the worst example of a boyfriend we should be seeing on our screens.

In fact he’s so bad he was voted the worst boyfriend in teen movie history in our poll, getting nearly a third of the votes. And the sad fact is, Noah was from the most recent movie in the list, the first Kissing Booth movie came out in 2018 and the sequel in 2020. Films from the 1990s fared better in their results. Murray from the 1995 Clueless film and Patrick Verona from the 1999 10 Things I Hate About You were two of the lowest scoring bad boyfriends.

So what does this say about the most recent film winning the bad boyfriend vote? Well clearly we haven’t gotten any better in our presentation of healthy relationships and if anything the romanticisation of abuse on our screens is only increasing. But at least the third of people who voted indicated there is a growing awareness of toxic relationships.

Not convinced Noah is deserving of the title? Well let me present all the evidence as to why Noah Flynn from the Kissing Booth films is an incredibly unhealthy portrayal of a boyfriend:

He actively participates in rape culture

Just 10 minutes into the first film and Noah utters this sentence: “Wearing a skirt like that is asking for it.” He says it after a guy gropes Elle’s butt because she’s wearing a short skirt. The length of anyone’s skirt is not an invitation for assault. At first we think Noah is pretty good because he quite rightly has a massive go at the guy. But then he ruins it by blaming Elle for being groped.

And this is the guy she ends up falling in love with? Really Netflix? It was 2018 when the film came out and yet the romantic interest is perpetuating rape culture myths of victim blaming. It is just another example of women being told to moderate themselves in order to be protected from rape rather than educating men to you know, not rape. It’s shameful of Netflix to make this guy the one we’re all supposed to adore.

Noah is controlling and possessive

Throughout the first film in particular Noah is incredibly possessive and controlling. Elle literally says: “The days of you controlling my life are over” and he says “We’ll see about that”. Um hello giant waving red flag?? If that was said by Joe Goldberg we’d very much be fearing for Elle’s life. And yet because it’s in a “fun teen movie” his control issues are meant to be a plot point they overcome.

Noah threatens all the boys in their school not to ask her out and in the second movie  she doesn’t answer his two texts, because she’s in school, he phones the school pretending to be her dad just so she’ll talk to him. At first she’s obviously pissed off but by the end of the scene he’s charmed her and she’s loving that he called her up at school. It’s extremely possessive behaviour that stemmed from his insecurities, but that’s the point Netflix made it all about validating his controlling behaviour by portraying it as his “romantic feelings for her” and it’s just not on.

He has some intense anger issues

PSA: Anger issues are not a substitute for a personality, nor is it romantic when a man is constantly getting into fights or exhibiting aggressive behaviour. Everyone has arguments or can lose their temper from time to time, but the constant reference to Noah being an “angry kid” isn’t what Netflix should be portraying as tortured and romantic. In fact it sets a very bad example for young people who will be watching and think “oh that’s love”.

When Noah and Elle have that fight at the beach in the first film, Elle runs away and Noah chases after her. He repeatedly shouts at her before slamming on his car and shouting “Get in the car Elle”. Cut to a drive later and she’s losing her virginity to him under the Hollywood sign. In what world is that ok? He is aggressive and angry and then Netflix show it as an “intensity of his emotions for her” and so it’s ok for him to act that way.

Noah is patronising

Especially in the first movie he refers to her as his “little sister” and says things like “you’re cute when you’re angry”. These phrases aren’t cute or romantic, it completely diminishes and attempts to invalidate her feelings.

He’s not addressing how she feels and instead tries to brush over it with a “flirty line”, Netflix shouldn’t be presenting relationships like this.

He lacks communication skills

The second movie would have been a lot shorter if they’d both learnt to communicate better. Elle is not without her faults in both films, but Noah seriously needs to learn how to share more.

Also who doesn’t take their phone with them when they’re going out today? It’s weird behaviour that undoubtedly causes more insecurity on Elle’s part. Which Noah is fully aware of, hence why he lies about doing things with Chloe, he is trying to protect her feelings but in doing so hurts her more.

And moments when he doesn’t introduce Elle at the dinner to Chloe or tell Elle he invited Chloe to Thanksgiving so they could become friends is just weird and rude. Lots of situations could have been avoided if he opened his mouth and explained what was going on rather than leave Elle in the dark.

Noah wants Elle to change her life plans to be with him

Not only does Elle end up applying for Harvard but she also applies for other schools in Boston. Now I don’t know how many unis you can apply for in the US, but in the UK I would not be giving up three of my five UCAS slots for unis in the same town as my partner.

Rather than encouraging her to chase her life-long dream of attending Berkeley Noah convinces her to apply for loads of schools in Boston, so she can be with him. Harvard is an amazing college but just to go there for a relationship is very selfish of Noah. How are we in 2020 and Netflix is still encouraging girls to chase after a man rather than their own dreams?

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