These are the worst themes the groom has ever picked on Don’t Tell The Bride
Featuring zombies, cowboy hats and a wedding dress bikini
Don’t Tell The Bride has been a staple of British TV for 13 years since it launched in 2007. Its success relies solely on the fact that the grooms are incapable of throwing a normal wedding.
All the bride wants is a traditional wedding and a nice dress but the grooms insist on picking crazy themes based off something the bride once said. Like clockwork, chaos ensues as the bride realises her man spent £12,000 to get married on a farm.
Season one has just dropped on Netflix so it’s the perfect time to give the original episodes a rewatch and review the worst themes in the history of the show – bonus points for a costume and/or prosthetics.
The second ever episode of Don’t Tell The Bride was arguably one of the most memorable.
The groom held the big day on a pig farm because the bride said she liked pigs once, although clearly not enough to have a pig themed wedding. When Billy asked if he’d done anything right, Steph replied: “Not really, no”.
The bridesmaids fared the worst in baggy pink pig onesies and after the ceremony everyone stood around to watch the groom take part in a pig parade. This mainly consisted of the groom, groomsmen and a bridesmaid chase some pigs around a track and fail to break a world record.
When the bride looks in the mirror and sees a huge head-wound on her forehead she isn’t impressed saying “oh my god he’s dead” and “I’m gonna kill him”. To be honest, it would work with the theme.
As far as the Halloween theme goes, the zombies were incredibly underwhelming and completely failed to scare the bride on her way to the altar. At least the woods were a nice location if you can ignore the various people dressed as zombies lurking in the background.
The fact that this was the only couple to split due to the wedding speaks for itself.
Craig planned an Oktoberfest wedding despite him and the best man knowing she hates beer. He arranged the hen do and wedding at a brewery again despite the fact she HATES beer.
Sofia refused to wear the dress Craig picked out for her and was in tears when she arrived at the venue. She agreed to go through the motions but it was a pretty miserable ceremony and the couple never officially legalised the marriage after the show.
This is a classic but no Don’t Tell The Bride list is complete without the Las Vegas themed wedding.
The entire wedding was planned around the location and Simon couldn’t even afford to fly over the bride’s brother. Simon and his best man were living the high life in a Las Vegas hotel room whist his bride-to-be was in tears at the airport with her family. As Kayleigh famously said “you’ve ripped the whole family apart, Simon”.
This wedding could be the best in the world but the dress ruins it. I honestly don’t think I’ve seen a worse wedding dress in my life. Bloody red handprints are not something that should ever be on a dress. End of story.
The location was also awful and the best man described the Edinburgh Vaults as “dark, dingy and damp, smells a bit funny”. Not exactly the Scottish castle that the bride wanted.
Beauty and the Beast
You have to give the groom some credit here as the woods is actually quite a nice setting (minus the bouncy castle) and on the surface, fairytale sounds like a great theme.
However, the yellow dress is an eyesore, and of course, the Beast costume complete with prosthetics is pretty unforgivable. I would at least like my husband-to-be to look like himself on my wedding day.
The bridesmaids’ dresses never fare well in themed weddings and these are some of the worst: They don’t fit and look like a budget fancy dress costume.
The bride’s cowboy hat seems bad enough and then it’s replaced by a helmet, head torch, harness and trainers to climb through a cave and up a rope ladder to her wedding.
Disaster struck as the bride’s family refused to attend the wedding 10 minutes before it was due to take place. Only the bride’s father attended after an unknown disagreement with the groom. Was it the theme that caused this argument? Probably.
At the start of the episode the bride describes her dream traditional wedding and explicitly states “I wouldn’t want a themed wedding”. I’m not really sure what she was expecting on Don’t Tell The Bride but it’s not looking good.
The bridesmaids’ dresses are potentially the worst things I have ever seen in my entire life. Even calling them dresses is a stretch when they’re essentially oversized dartboard themed t-shirts.
The wedding was also delayed because darts player Bobby George failed to turn up on time to officiate the wedding. As a result, the bride was forced to stop on the way to the wedding at a local pub. I guess having a pint before the ceremony is in keeping with the darts theme?
Three words: Wedding dress bikini.
The wedding dress is arguably the most important part of the wedding for any bride and the groom simply fails to realise this one very important fact. He doesn’t even care what the bikini looks like as long as it’s not see through and it provides that “hot bikini sexiness”.
Needless to say it doesn’t go down well and with the bikini bottoms bottoms described as “those knickers they give you in hospital”.
Overall this hot tub and bikini combo could not be further away from the traditional Jewish synagogue wedding the bride wants. Almost half the budget, £5,500 was spent on hot tubs in the end. Imagine the wedding dress the groom could have afforded with that money.