How to tell if you’re actually just his ‘foster girlfriend’

Picture this: you’ve been seeing someone for quite a while and things are going pretty smoothly. Conversation flows, the sex is out of this world and you think you might want to take things to the next stage. You sit them down, inhale deeply, and then they suddenly start a monologue that ends with “but I just don’t think I want to be in a relationship right now.” You wipe away the tears, listen to Bad Girls by MIA on repeat, and get back to being your usual cool self.

Now, how many times have these break-ups happened to you, and then they’re suddenly in a serious, long-term relationship almost immediately after? Sort of like you fostered them in your life until they felt ready to commit to someone else long-term? If you can relate to that at all, chances are you’re a bit of a foster girlfriend and you’re really not alone.

Our beloved Urban Dictionary defines a foster girlfriend as a girl who dates men until these men find their ‘forever girlfriends’- i.e the one they can picture a future with that isn’t just shagging after a night out. For every happy, healthy relationship out there, there’s deffo a clueless foster girlfriend or boyfriend wondering why this keeps happening.

By now you should be reflecting on your unfulfilling chains of extinguished flames and starting to wonder if you’re a foster girlfriend, so here are five signs that you may be one:

1. Your romances are pretty short and casual

Of course, in 2020 there is nothing wrong with being casual with someone and being on the same page about all that, but that doesn’t mean that you aren’t fostering the lad before he finds someone else. If you look back and can see that your previous casual flings ended up finding something serious after your romance, chances are you fostered them until they felt ready.

2. Previous love interests move on quite quickly and the person they move on to is long-term

You know that punch in the stomach when the guy finds someone straight after you despite the break-up being about how he wasn’t ready for something serious at that point? Yeah, there’s a word for that (see: title)

3. Previous romances have said that you’re “everything I look for in a girl”, yet STILL moved on

You’re a box-ticker: You have a personality, you have a slight idea about what to do with your life, you shower quite often, why wouldn’t someone want to be with you? You’re starting to believe that it genuinely isn’t you and that it is them. Rejection is nature’s protection, after all, I guess.

4. You tend to steer clear of commitment yourself out of choice

Sometimes you aren’t at the point in life to be with someone. You need to grow, thrive alone, and uninstall Tinder to see your true potential. There’s a huge chance that being a foster girlfriend is your own choice: why would you want to settle for someone who’s unsure about you or your future together? Why would you want to pass on getting pissed with your girls at brunch to go to the boyf’s bratty cousin’s birthday? This isn’t all bad you know.

5. You’re usually the last girl someones with before they find the ‘one’

Does it just keep happening to you that guys only want to settle down after they’re done with you? It’s almost as if Cupid telepathically and unwillingly hires you to help guys find their match. Yikes.

There’s a bit of a c’est la vie aspect to this term because fostering a boy is inevitable in this cruel world of dating. Being a foster girlfriend is just a jazzed up term for the trial and error method which is crucial to finding someone as you’re hardly going to settle with the first person who shares your love for dogs.

If you’ve concluded that you are in fact a foster girlfriend and you feel like you have a new part of your identity then congrats! You’re nature’s kindest, unluckiest springboard.

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