Every single annoying person you’ll come across on Depop
‘Would you do this for a fiver??????????’
Depop is a weird place. Like, truly. More than we ever would have expected. Most other apps ruled by millennials and Gen Z (aka you and me and our kind) are governed by a strict but invisible set of social rules. No one steps out of line, no one breaks these rules. You don’t post twice on Insta in a row (foolish) or update your profile pic more than once a year, and you DEFINITELY don’t post a Facebook status.
But there is one app devoid of law and social norms. Where people are rude, and weird, and grabby and straight up straaaange. That app is – weirdly – buy and sell giant, modern day eBay and home to hypebeasts and unloved Brandy Melville camis everywhere, the one and only: Depop.
The interactions on Depop are so weird that they spawned the one and only @depopdrama, aka the best Instagram account you will ever follow. More bizarre conversations take place on that app between strangers each day in 2020 than on Omegle for the whole of 2009. It is the twilight zone, but for buying Adidas jumpers. The people that live on it probably present themselves as normal in real life, but get ’em all fighting over a Slazenger tennis skort and you’ll see their true selves come out. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, every annoying person you’ll meet on Depop.
The disgustingly nice sellers that just want a five star review
These guys need to take a lesson from Uber drivers. Minimal conversation, fast service, easy five star review at the end. There’s nothing overtly wrong with these Depop users, but something about sending a message each time you buy, they post, you receive and eventually leave them that oh so important feedback is just TIRING. They’ll hit you up with a “thanks for buying from my store babe! Will post as soon as PO opens tomorrow xoxoxo”. Then two days later hit you with “sent! Hope you like it! xoxoxoxox” as if you hadn’t already been checking to see if they hit the Confirmed as Shipped button hourly like the fiend that you are. I have lots of actual friends I’m already bad at responding to, please don’t make me carry the added emotional weight of ignoring you too.
People who caption every item ‘the nicest’ top, skirt, bag, car, lizard etc
“The NICEST Jane Norman butterfly print ripped mesh off shoulder top cami halter, soooo peng absolutely OBSESSED with this, please don’t buy it lol you’ll have to pry it from my cold dead hands, I’m kidding though do buy it haha, ignore: brandy melville urban outfitters asos levis y2k playboy vintage adidas flattering 2000s justin timberlake cry me a river motel rocks”.
People who offer ridiculous amounts
Now these people are just straight up stupid. You can’t hate them too sincerely as they’re clearly just trying their luck, like someone who picks a £20 note up off the floor – it’s not stealing, they’re just having a grab. But regardless, getting an offer of 30 for a pair of trousers you’ve listed for 50 which retail for EIGHTY is a bit fudging stupid, isn’t it Ella? You’re barred from my Depop shop for now. Come at me when your pocket money comes in. (I said fudging because Ella is a child in this imaginary scenario, don’t wanna be profane.)
Or even worse, people who offer things under a tenner
Unless it’s a pair of Primark socks I’ve conned you into paying seven quid for I don’t get out of bed and trek it to the Post Office for anything under £11, hun x
Sellers who want you to pay through friends and family
As much as I say Depop is a lawless app, there is one law and it is clear and true: Do not buy without buyer protection or you’re a big dumb dumb. I don’t think it says big dumb dumb in the fine print of the Depop T&C’s but take my word for it. HOWEVER, laws are destined to be broken, and some brave bad boys on Depop will try to swindle the app, avoiding pesky fees by getting you to pay friends and family on Paypal instead of using buyer protection. If they don’t mess you about and turn out to be a Depop catfish it’s actually not that harmful to you as a buyer, but the stress it induces is akin to that of your drug dealer driving off with you when you get in the car. Not fun, don’t do it, it makes one of us very uncomfortable and only you win. Be considerate my dude.
Stupidly impatient buyers
Bitches will take out a PayPal claim if the item hasn’t arrived in three days, I’m not ASOS next day delivery babe I’m just one woman with a Post Office! These people will BADGER you on the hour, every hour trying to get their shoes which they clearly bought for an event in a few days. Any buyer and seller can tell you: If you want something for an event, don’t go buying from Depop, people play fast and loose with the timescales on this app like they’re living in a casino with no clocks.
And on the other hand, sellers who take a month to ship
This is fully ridiculous. Sometimes sellers take so long you actually forget you’ve bought something, then you absentmindedly scroll past your Depop app and think “hold up – where’s that top I bought two weeks ago?” You message every few days all nice like “Hi, have you posted yet?” and get aired every other message, or hit with a “hey yeah, I haven’t been able to make it to the post office because [insert excuse you will refuse to believe no matter how logical or believable or close to an X factor sob story as you can get] but will be sent tomoz babe! Xoxo” Eventually in a month it will arrive two sizes too small or just straight up never appear, you’ll forget to give feedback and they will have won. You will never trust again.
People who message you and ask if you’re interested just because you liked their item
DO YOU NOT HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO? LEAVE ME ALONE!
Sellers who don’t post a pic of the item on
The most frustrating thing of all. Oooh sure that top is peng when it’s lying on some gal’s bed, sure, but what about if it looks all lumpy on? You swipe to see, to put your mind at ease. Donk. It doesn’t let you swipe. Haha, this must be a cruel joke. Where’s the pic of it on? Donk. What? There’s no pic of it on? WHAT THE FUCK. LET ME SEE IT IN ALL ITS FORMS. I WILL NOT BUY ANYTHING UNLESS I CAN SEE IT ON A HUMAN BODY YOU FOOL.
(Donk is the sound of an unsuccessful swipe, I shouldn’t have to explain this onomatopoeia to you but I am just in case).