31 things you’ll encounter while living with boys

No more Little Britain. We have surpassed the need for Little Britain.

It’s the summer before university starts again, the sun beats gently on your face as you tell yourself and all your friends that living with boys this year is going to be so fun! Until this point, dramas and petty situations are not only a thing of high school but are totally exclusive to girls only. Right? Wrong.

The reality is, once you’ve moved in with the boys and got past the honeymoon period in first term, the little annoying things these “men” do build up like Lego blocks which eventually evolve into huge annoying towers that you want to kick down.

Living with boys is fun, and boy best mates are another type of friend, but after a year of living with them there are approximately 31 things that make living with boys the worst (and there’s probably more than that to be honest, who knows how many unturned stones and crusty socks there in this process).

1. You have to accept the idea of indoor sports in your living room

You’re not sure how it happened, but several pieces of gym equipment and sports balls will begin to take up residence in your house like its the Edinburgh student occupation.

Straight after you decide to chill out on your ratty uni sofa, they will always decide to start a rugby tournament essentially over the top of you, just throwing the ball back and forth with absolutely no fear of it hitting you in the face.

2. They never sleep

Uni boys are nocturnal. And if their bedroom is above yours you will often wonder what the hell is going on up there. There has been more times than I can count where my male housemates have frightened the life out of my half asleep self by “accidentally tipping over” their desk chair or when they’ve decided to do a workout at two am.

3. Stray socks are everywhere

Single, lonely, stray socks are usually on the stairs or just left on top of the washing machine. Nobody ever moves them.

4. Boys express their emotions through wrestling, I think

Boys have an exceptional ability of being able to express themselves physically. I’m not sure if they’re expressing love or pure hatred when they do it, but you could be standing there trying your hardest to make a cuppa and the next thing you know is that you’re trying to defend yourself from a rugby tackle. It makes living in your house full of suspense.

5. Most, if not all, of your group photos get weird edits

Oh you think the group photos you took last night are nice? Wait til you see them on Insta, edited and in some sort of basketball formation.

6. Boys have a really poor choice of Netflix shows, there I said it

Some boys have a poor choice of Netflix shows. You will spend several evenings begging to watch Clueless over Little Britain.

7. When it comes to cooking, you get one or the other

They’ll ever be extremely messy in the kitchen or extremely tidy. There’s no in between.

8. That Minecraft song

That Minecraft song will ring in your ears until the day you shuffle off this mortal coil.

9. They will know and play any song that is used on a meme

Boys have the ability to identify any song used in that viral meme you JUST found. Expect to hear them through the collective speaker as you try to peacefully eat the dinner you just spent an hour cooking.

10. The boys bathroom is boys territory for a reason. Stay out, protect yourself

Just avoid it at all costs. On the two times you might venture into this territory you will regret it.

11. You’ll find them in some really questionable states in the name of self-care

Boys self-care looks extremely different to girls’ self-care. It’s not facemasks and playing Billie Eilish as you paint your toenails. Boys self-care is eating a box of 20 chicken nuggets naked in bed at 1pm avoiding a lecture. Boys self-care is pulling an all-nighter so they can justify staying in bed all day the following morning.

12. You haven’t got a say in what you’re wearing for Halloween

When Halloween rolls around, don’t expect to be dressing up as a sexy witch or a mouse. You are going as Spiderman. In fact, you’re all going as Spiderman as to recreate that famous Spiderman meme. You will be sent a link to the exact costume you’re all ordering and if you don’t wear it you’re just not allowed out. You will try your hardest to make it sexy, but it never is.

13. Knocking on your door after a night out is one of their worst habits

Every so often you’ll skip a night out and encourage a “boys night” whilst you devour the peace that comes with their absence. This peace lasts until approximately half four in the morning when they start knocking on your bedroom door to see if you’re still awake, because they would be.

14. You find yourself trying to explain why you can’t wrestle at any given time

Period pain. It’s period pain. My insides hurt. My boobs hurt. Stop trying to wrestle me whilst I fill my hot water bottle. Please, I’m weak.

15. General lack of interest in the house chores

“Bins go out tonight boys!” Message read, no replies. You call them all dickheads as you start carrying the recycling bins onto the main road.

16. The go hard or go home approach

The go hard or go home approach is the boys mantra for a night out. You could be in spoons enjoying a meal, and it’s announced: Go hard or go home. They’re suddenly ordering shots and pissing off the waitress to an embarrassing extent. Go hard or go home is a way of life but it’s hard to adapt to.

17. You will receive all of their post

You will find yourself cursing your generous contact hours after you become 100 per cent certain that you are the only one to ever retrieve Amazon deliveries from the postman. Fuck only being in uni for nine hours a week! I can no longer take the painful small talk with the postman.

18. They do not own coats and it will concern you

You kind of take on this mothering role when you live with boys out of nothing but concern for their lack of outerwear. You will ask them repeatedly if they know it’s raining, but they never seem to wear coats. In exceptional circumstances, you might even text their parents asking them to buy them one because the thought of one of them getting hypothermia is just insane.

19. Meet your seventh flat mate, the domino’s pizza box

It’s everywhere at least twice a week. You’ll never know how long the domino’s boxes have been there, and you might even begin building statues out of them.

20. Welcome to your new life. You are now the guru of all things bleach and fake tan

There’s some questionable socials at uni, and you will find yourself becoming the expert on conversations for socials that include the application of fake tan or bleaching their hair. Despite your efforts to warn them that they should absolutely under no circumstances do either of these things, they will never listen.

21. Little Britain will never be funny

Turn. It. Off.

22. When they’re feeling compassionate, it’s suspicious

When one of the boys ask for a hug, you can only assume that something has gone drastically wrong or they want you to proof read their essay. It’s even more suspicious when they deny both of those options and were just feeling “loving.”

23. You will go to any length necessary to make sure you are the DJ at pres

After two months of living with them, you’ll find yourself getting ready for pres at around six pm just to ensure that you are the pres DJ. If you don’t take these measures, expect a bad bad pres.

24. Kinda their mum, kinda one of the boys

You’ll ask them if they’ve eaten yet, how long they’ve slept for, if they slept well, when they last washed their clothes, if they need their washing doing and if they’re going on any dates any time soon. But then you’re also there cheering them on for downing pints, hosting rugby socials and going to the gym.

25. You’ll get dragged into plans you definitely didn’t want to be a part of

Why am I playing football at 10pm?

26. You will eventually lose all of them to some species of gaming

League of Legends. Call Of Duty. Fifa. Fortnite. Rocket League. Rainbow Six Siege.

27. There is a process to taking a shower

Going to the shower includes several pre-determining factors. Are the boys in? Can I undress in my bedroom and run into the bathroom? Is anyone in eyesight of my pre-shower body? Do any of them have friends round? Are they asleep? If they are asleep, can I take my speaker into the bathroom?

28. Talking about sex or your period will be difficult for them

They never want to hear the details of last nights shag or how painful your period is. You have to seek comfort in your girlfriends at these points, no matter how hard you try to dismantle the stigma.

29. Sometimes they forget you have feelings

They will probably forget to ask you if you feel okay off the back of your break up or when you got a bad mark on an essay, and you will wonder how they have girlfriends.

30. When they remember you have feelings, they’re not always sure how to deal with them

They’ll wiggle your ears. Or give you a noogie. Or, tell you “Ah, you’ll feel better soon.”

31. “What’s this?”

Boys have this child-like habit of coming into your bedroom and fiddling with things. “What’s this?” they ask as they try to make sense of your messy chest of drawers. You’ll try to explain the history of your favourite scrunchie or the pile of odd eyelashes, but they just keep fiddling. “What’s this?” they ask innocently before opening the drawer when your sex toys live.

Related stories recommended by this writer:

• We spoke to the boys in THIS picture and they’ve had enough of your jokes

• Everything you learn when you are the only guy living in an all girls house

• I’m the only girl living in a sad boy uni house, here’s what I’ve learnt