Some absolute cleanshirt has made an entire LinkedIn profile for Mark Corrigan
How can I endorse him as an honourable man?
We’ve all got a lot of time on our hands. But do you have as much time as the person who made an entire LinkedIn profile for Mark Corrigan?
Meticulously weaving obscure Peep Show references into a comprehensive history of Corrigan (for the general reader), it’s the most Mark Corrigan profile on the most Mark Corrigan social network.
Let’s get some nachos and some margaritas and kick things off.
Some LinkedIn hustlers go with cover photos of far away locations and glamorous cityscapes. Mark Corrigan is no different – the view of Apollo House is pure aspiration.
The “Experience” section will genuinely stun you at how many jobs Mark had throughout the nine series run. It’s not quite Homer Simpson levels but it’s pretty crazy.
The first two are pretty respectable. Of course, the Met City Bank job didn’t go that well, but he’s not going to put “mis-selling my flatmate a loan” on there, is he?
We move, depressingly, to the wilderness years. This really was the point that Mark had to take any job going. But equally, the point where you realise how well suited his inner monologue is to the corporate banality of LinkedIn.”
“Pooled our skill sets by subdividing into working groups” is simply the language you need to thrive on this platform.
As we get deeper into the wilderness years, there are plenty of phrases completely indistinguishable from a candidate on The Apprentice. “No frills, no wigs, no spin, just telling it like it was”, Sir Alan.
Is “men with ven” something a normal person would put on their LinkedIn? Of course not, but Mark’s desperate need for validation runs deep.
Now, none of these turned out well, but neither did the defining love affair of Mark’s adult life: JLB Credit. No mention of the ergonomic management keyboard, though.
Below JLB Credit, there are only disappointments. Any hiring manager by this point would surely be questioning the number of short-lived roles.
Somehow he’s managed to wangle the Mummy ordeal into some legitimate-sounding professional experience. I say legitimate, but surely the whole profile would read so differently if Mark got the chance to live it large in Bangalore.
After the frankly exhausting list of odd jobs, Mark’s education is laid out. You might say 1997 is a long time ago, and correct. It’s basically ancient history now.
By the time we get to the “achievements” section, I’m starting to think actually I’d be kind of okay if I’d done as much as Mark had. Obviously he’s a pathetic worm, a complete drone. But it’s been varied.
This is, of course, just a fly tip for the references that haven’t been used yet. The more the merrier!
God, that was exhausting. I need a tuna sandwich, a can of coke, and some Snow Patrol.