How to get 100 likes on your dissertation hand in pic when you’re stuck at home

Diss ain’t no joke

As we approach our sixth week in national lockdown the deadline for dissertation season is also well underway.  Students across the UK have been duped out of their chance to graduate together and current government guidelines make it impossible for friends to get together and take their iconic dissertation hand in pics.

There’s no chance to pose in front of beautiful uni buildings or your university sign. Your mates aren’t around to help you snap that fire gram, you only have your fam to help. It will most likely end up as a boring wholesome pic of you and your laptop taken by your mum, who will undoubtedly take five minutes to take the photo, at a weird tilted angle, then hand you back the phone to reveal that she’s only taken two pictures. For goodness sake. I need OPTIONS.

In the grand scheme of things, getting under a hundred likes on your diss pic shouldn’t get you down – but it will. I know it will. You know it will. But we have you covered. From snapping a dissertation pic with your Vice Chancellor to recreating Kendall Jenner’s infamous heart hair picture, here’s how to get those 100 likes locked down.

1. ‘Diss’ is me with my diss and my VC

Truth be told, no one actually will shake the hand of their VC when they had in their diss so this is the closest you will ever get. I have decided to award points to anyone who can photoshop so well that they can fake shake hands with their Vice Chancellor. But don’t worry, for more basic renditions there’s no photoshop required.

The first step it to screenshot any picture of your VC you see fit, then take a picture of yourself holding your dissertation. Next, it’s all about your skills on Snapchat, make a sticker of yourself and then add that to the chosen photo of your VC. Here is one I prepared earlier, for your viewing pleasure.

2. The classic ‘jumping off the university stone’ diss pic

If you haven’t gripped onto your dissertation whilst jumping off a stone which has your University name carved into it,  have you really handed in your diss? Probably not. But, that’s okay as we are here to help you recreate this.

Granted that most of you won’t have access to a rectangular stone approximately weighing around 9.6kg , so here’s the best hack you will ever see. Grab a piece of A4 paper, draw and colour said rock, have someone hold it up in front of the camera then have a chair or something in the background blocked by the “rock” and voilà. Jump your little heart out.

Wait, what’s that I hear? Not all Universities have rocks? No problem, I’ve got you covered.

Go to the nearest blank wall and get someone to take a photo of you jumping. Once this is done, head to Instagram stories and write “school of xyz” on the blank wall – hey presto, it’s like you’re back at uni.

Loved the time I spent in the “Sch O Engl”

3. You being socially diss-tant from your friends

The classic group photograph of you and your mates all handing in your diss. A sense of pride and camaraderie. Except we’re in lockdown and you don’t have any mates to hand at the moment. So it’s time to make do.

4. Sinking a pint with your dog

Can’t see your friends to neck a pint with, can’t go for a drink with your classmates either and if your parents saw you put away a pint the way you do – you’ll be eternally judged. Next best thing, I hear you ask? Your dog. Get the dog positioned, hold the diss in one hand and the beer in the other. Take a selfie of you cracking open a cold one with the ultimate good boy. Bottoms up.

5. The classic one mum wants to send to the grandparents

Unfortunately for you, you don’t really have a choice in what picture gets sent to your grandparents. Mum wants one that is organic, perhaps even the moment where you submitted it online, a moment that she can treasure for the rest of her life.

Let’s face it, it’s lockdown and you weren’t planning on getting dressed today either so you really can’t complain. Spot cream, old pyjamas and morning breath has never been a bigger vibe. If this is truly tragic is might land you a hundred likes for it’s candour. Realistic vibes.

6. ‘Diss’ is when everyone can let out a sigh of relief

This one isn’t really a hack. But there’s something very satisfying about doing a cry of relief in the University library where you have just printed off and professionally bound your baby.

The hack? I am glad you asked, just any old photograph of the a University library and the next step is to take a separate picture of yourself crying holding up the dissertation. See number one for Snapchat sticker guide.

I am the CEO of snapchat stickers

7. Diss my baby, and ain’t nobody FINNA touch him

Okay, stay with me on this one. Everyone who has written a dissertation will agree that it is liking birthing a child when it’s over. The months of back pain, your stomach getting bigger because you’re convinced yourself you need to eat for two in order to power your brain.

So, when you finally get it out into the world, it is covered in your blood, sweat and tears. This is your baby, and you will protect it at all costs. Realistically though, it is just a clump of paper that will get you a degree whilst also adding to the degradation of our planet. More likes can be achieved if you wrap the dissertation in a blanket like an actual newborn. Hard to position but worth it for the payoff.

8. Make the entire nation clap for you

Not so much a picture, but a caption idea: “I’d like to personally invite everyone to clap for me tonight at 8pm outside your respective homes to celebrate monumental achievement: I have completed my dissertation. Brings pots, bring pans and bring good vibes for I have made the impossible possible.”

9. Recreating Kendall Jenner’s heart hair post but with diss notes

You know the exact post I’m talking about. The perfect placement of her hair, the graceful white netted wedding dress can be switched for diss notes and a much less graceful approach.

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