Meet Lashbanter10, the man dedicated to savagely rinsing Clapham rugby boys

It’s a widely accepted truth that rugby boys live the same sheltered life after uni. They will move to Clapham and be obsessed with it, and they absolutely will go to Infernos (a hideous SU-like club that still plays The Killers) every weekend. One man who knows this scene like no other is Archie Curzon, who rinses them every day on LashBanter10 to his 20,000 followers:

Think of the hallmarks of the recently graduated rugby bloke: white Jack Wills chinos, crossed jumper over the shoulders and holidays to Dubai. Every video starts with Archie after his #rigbiz run (a five-mile run while listening to a business podcast), where he discusses what’s going on in his world.

Recently he’s had to adjust to isolation without all of the normal comforts of a well-to-do young bloke living in Clapham. So, if anyone’s going to give us advice on how to deal with long periods of being cooped up indoors, it surely has to be the most worldly person we could get a hold of. We had a chat with Archie Curzon to get to the bottom of how to survive quarantine:

So it must be hard not being able to go out all the time – do home workouts even happen if they’re not filmed?

Definitely not, no. I’m filming all my home workouts all the time. And that’s another way to get rid of your boredom. I can’t get enough of watching people work out at home. It kind of gets me hard if I’m being honest, I really really enjoy it.

It’s great that people clap the NHS at 8pm, but the other unsung heroes are the people filming their workouts and creating content. I love watching people do press-ups and then nominate other people. It’s just such good chat.

People filming their home workouts deserve to be clapped, not the NHS?

You took the words right out of my mouth there, Harry. These guys who take selfless challenges and challenge other people, they’re brilliant. I’ve been chosen to do 10 press-ups. Another guy challenged me to do 10 sit-ups and then a rugby guy tells me to do 10 squats, that variation on variations. Very, very creative.

What is it about brown shoes that turns you off?

Honestly, it’s one of the worst things to see. One thing I am looking is to go into politics later in life, and that’ll be the first thing on my agenda. There’s nothing worse than seeing a gentleman in a bright blue suit, wearing brown shoes. They belong to people up north who are going to cheap weddings. They make someone look like they are a mannequin in Burton.

It’s fucking awful and it’s just not right – if I had my way when I see guys in the city I’d be in my right mind to go over and tell them to get the fuck out. Disgusting.

Now that supermarkets are restricting items, how does one get maximum protein intake?

You know, I’m lucky because I guess you could count me as an influencer now.

19,000 followers on Instagram equals 19,000 people that just enjoy my chat. And with that, I get a lot of free stuff. So yesterday, I got two big boxes of biltong, so for me, I’m getting my protein intake that way.

It’s not all about chicken, and it’s not all about steak – I love steak and I have it most nights. I’m fortunate, you know, I’ve got a healthy basic salary and I can afford to shop online and at local butchers, which most people can’t I appreciate.

People are making bread in quarantine. Is that a waste of time?

I wasn’t aware – I don’t follow many people that support Labour or cycle, so I haven’t seen that much baking bread online. I would suggest though that they probably are wasting their time – those people have probably been furloughed, so I’d imagine they’ve got a lot of time on their hands.

Probably what I would suggest doing is put the bread making down, do some press-ups and sort your exercise regime out. Carbs that can’t be good if you’re just sitting around eating bread. I’m really getting my summer bod ready because I think we’re probably going to have about two weeks of summer. Just want to make sure that my rig is looking absolutely phenomenal.

So your suggestion is that they should be doing exercise rather than baking bread?

That or looking to get a better job, yes.

How does one chat with ladies during quarantine?

I’m still maintaining a lot of contact with girls on LinkedIn – that’s where I really find my success. I keep it strictly business which I think a lot of girls like. And then you know, pop the question out. I’ll say once we’re out of COVID-19, let’s definitely meet up for a drink.

I would just suggest they are creative. You know, sometimes when I get out of the shower and I’m in my towel I just see my body. I think this is a perfect time to FaceTime a potential lady. So I’ve been doing a lot of FaceTiming in my towel. Obviously I won’t go into any more detail.

Congratulations on 200 caps at Infernos in October of last year. Are there any other goals you’ll be striving for now that we’re allowed out just once a day?

Obviously, my 200 caps was an incredibly emotional time. Not just for me but for my family and my friends. I wish I could say it’s all me, but it really isn’t. I think I’ll look to continue to hit Infernos as hard as possible.

I’m self-appointed CEO of Clapham, or CCO of Clapham (Chief Chat Officer), so I’ve had pretty interesting talks to Infernos to open it up to Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday just so we can get the time back. I really miss my weekends drinking vodka, lime and soda water, wearing my tight black jeans, my loafers and my Jack Wills v-neck t-shirt.

Right, so we have a pretty good guess for what your go-to Infernos look is, but how about the isolation look? Does it end at pyjamas?

Definitely not. When I’m working Monday to Friday, I’m getting up and getting my suit on – that’s how I’m maintaining normality. I will walk down the stairs of my three-bedroom house in Clapham with my eyes closed and imagine that’s my journey on the Northern Line. I really really miss that Northern Line banter.

I’ll come into my kitchen where I work which is, you know, it’s an incredible kitchen – I’m very fortunate. Then I’ll talk to bits in the kitchen as if they’re the guys in the office. I’ll say to my coffee machine “look there he is, old coffee breath!” just to get that office banter going.

The only thing I find really hard is when I do get a deal – it’s not the same. I have a little bell here I ring. In the office when I do everyone claps, but when I do it here, nothing. So I sort of clap myself.

Sounds lonely. Are you lonely?

Definitely not. Definitely not. I’m not lonely. I’m really, really happy. I couldn’t be happier. The banter here in the kitchen here is fantastic – you would love coffee breath.

Archie Curzon for Prime Minister 2030?

Well, firstly I would like to be Mayor of London. Actually first Mayor of Clapham, then Mayor of London, then Prime Minister.

Do you have any parting words of wisdom for our readers?

Just keep posting your home workouts – I think it’s inspiring. I highly recommend going online and watching cross the CrossFit competition from 2018.

So obviously, you know, follow me on my Instagram. It’s not for me, but for you really, because it will help you.

A lot of your readers will probably follow the same course as I did, you know? Private school, red brick university, a gap year –  I spent my gap year in Canary Wharf, which was brilliant. You’ll come into the city like I did – I had a friend’s friend whose dad was in the company. I just went for an interview… not an interview. Just a drink… not even really a drink. It was just a catch up – and he offered me the job and I’ve been there ever since! People reading your magazine will probably want to end up like me, you know, in a three-bed flat in Clapham.

Archie Curzon’s Instagram handle is @lashbanter10.

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