The government has said you can’t see your boyfriend or girlfriend during lockdown

How am I meant to get laid now Boris?

After Boris’ announcement yesterday, people are still confused if this means they can see their boyfriend or girlfriend during lockdown. And the answer is a firm no.

A spokesperson for the Prime Minister said there are clear rules we should all follow and those include only leaving the house for four reasons. A shag or a cuddle doesn’t count.

When asked how the rules apply to couples the spokesperson said: “The guidance was clear yesterday.

“Essentially, what it said was that you should stay at home, and then it just set out four very specific circumstances where you may be permitted to go outdoors.

“And I think those rules should be applied to all scenarios.”

No more of this unfortunately

The four reasons you’re allowed to leave the house are for food shopping, exercise, medical reasons and getting to and from work.

The only way you’d be able to see your boyfriend or girlfriend during lockdown is if you already live together.

This isn’t social distancing people

The spokesperson was asked if meeting up with your boyfriend or girlfriend in public alone just the two of you breaks the rules, as gatherings of more than two people are banned. They said they would look into the matter, but basically stay inside.

The fines for breaking lockdown will start at £30, so ask yourself this, is the dick really worth it?

So in the mean time, get on FaceTime for your dates, learn how to sext and how to have great phone sex.

For the latest NHS and government advice on coronavirus (COVID-19) see here.

Related stories recommended by this writer:

I went on a FaceTime first date and I’m here to tell you how to have a decent one

These 21 memes are painfully relatable if you’re already horny two days into isolation

The expandemic: How coronavirus is making your ex slide into the DMs