It’s time to admit Jack Whitehall isn’t funny and never was

POo, WEe aND waNkIng? HAhahHah


What a week it’s been for Jack Whitehall Benedict. He’s been invited back to host the BRITs for the third year in a row, and more importantly, his tour has come in for a right kicking in pretty much every publication that’s reviewed it.

But why is he hosting the BRITS again? And why haven’t people realised well before this that Jack Whitehall isn’t funny at all?

Before we jump on the cancel train and start chugging, I’ll be the first to admit the stuff he did in Fresh Meat was pretty bang-on, his Apollo routine about taking dates to Nando’s is undeniably classic, and I have a lot of respect for the way he can sell really mediocre jokes with sheer physicality alone.

But honestly, Howard was the best in character in Fresh Meat anyway, and Jack Whitehall has been riding the wave of that same posh boy stereotype well into his 30s. It’s about time we all admit he’s actually really lame, and here’s every reason why that’s the case:

He paints himself as an underdog when he’s always been mega rich and successful

A fake sense of inadequacy is at the heart of Jack Whitehall’s brand – a classic British self-depreciation that would be really funny if it weren’t so insincere.

One of the things he jokes about a lot is his rivalry with Robert Pattinson, who went to school with him and has out performed him in almost every endeavour the pair have ever made. This would be hilarious, except Jack has always done pretty well for himself. Coming from money, going to an expensive boarding school, landing a cushy job presenting a Big Brother spin-off, making shedloads from appearing on various TV shows, and touring the country, are all hardly what you’d call underdog behaviour.

Jack also tries to paint himself as a bit of an ugly duckling. When he’s making awkward banter with Sean Mendez this might make a vague amount of sense, but Jack is conventionally pretty attractive. The guy dated Gemma Chan for years and parties with Brookes students while they’re on their ski trip.

Jack’s on-stage persona is the adorkable private school boy who’s secretly really innocent. But it’s important to remember that the man on stage acting foppish at the mention of “weedy puff” is the same guy who spends every summer in Ibiza and was once papped doing coke by News of The World.

He jokes about things you’ll only understand if you’re very middle class

Watch Jack Whitehall here talking about how annoying it is when people barge in airplane queues. Watch him here joking about his time in Amsterdam with his mates “Rupes” and “Diggers”. Or go and see him live and watch him prod laughs out of mispronouncing shop names like Lidl and Primark. It’s not even relatable!!!

This man is 31 years of age and is still making jokes about poo and wee

Did you know that Jack shows off a picture of his enflamed anus during his most recent tour? Or that one anecdote revolves around his dad taking a shit at Chernobyl? I love a good joke about shit as much as the next guy, but Jack’s stand-ups are so full of them it’s basically all he ever talks about.

Let’s talk about that time he interviewed Little Mix at the BRITS and made the cringest joke that’s ever been conceptualised

Just look at her face. LOOK AT IT.

Now consider that they will be paying this man real English pounds to do host the BRITS for A THIRD TIME. The mind boggles.

Yes he was funny on Fresh Meat but everyone needs to get over that, including him

JP was basically every semi-fit posh boy you’ll ever meet at uni, and Jack nailed his portrayal of that entitled arrogance to a “t”, it has to be said.

And yeah, Fresh Meat will always be a classic, but Jack’s on-stage persona hasn’t really left that blueprint behind. To reiterate – the man is 31 now, and he’s still prancing, joking, and dressing like a uni soft boi.

His audience are the kind of basic normies who still laugh at Celebrity Juice

Jack Whitehall’s brand of comedy is the missionary of the stand-up world, and the sort of people who go and see him are the people who think a day trip to London is the height of adventure.

To find Jack Whitehall funny you really have to suspend your concerns about the wider world, because while most comedians have a bit of insight into what’s happening in the news or have something at least slightly meaningful to say, Jack takes aim at low-hanging fruit like vegans and people who care about the environment.

In other words he’s posh banter for people who think Waitrose is the height of posh

The irony is Jack Whitehall isn’t even really middle class himself. Sure he was born into a that kind of family, but given how much he’s earned he’s 100 per cent leap-frogged the middle class existence and straight into A-Lister territory.

Because of this, something about his repackaging of bourgeois living in his stand-ups rings slightly false – like he’s selling a vision of posh to an audience who don’t actually know what posh is.

Some of the jokes he’s made in the past have been low-key problematic and he has gotten away with a lot

Remember when Jack Whitehall made a joke about gypsies?

How about when he joked about giving Robert Pattinson AIDS?

Or when he made a hilarious funny confusing bisexuality and bipolar disorder?

Even JP in Fresh Meat was once the mouthpiece of a really bad bit of dialogue centred around consent, which was served alongside a comparison to sugaring tea.

His relationship with his dad is quite frankly fucking bizarre

In the year of our lord 2019 having an obnoxious mega right-wing dad is not something you’d normally draw attention to. Thankfully for underdog Jack, his dad was already famous for being a bit of a tool – and the two star in their very own father-son TV show. (Sidenote: These need to be banned because they are all genuinely awful).

The pair have been interviewed together more than once. On one occasion Jack’s dad comments on how “well endowed” Jack was as a teen. In the present, Jack pegs a lot of his stand-up on life with his dad, and even brings him out on stage every now and then to taunt the audience.

He’s desperate to be a big star in the US and it’s beyond tragic

Here’s a fun fact: Jack Whitehall was meant to be in Frozen, a fun fact about which he was obviously very gassed. You can tell he was gassed because he went and did loads of press for it. Except, Jack was cut from the movie during the final edits, and remains in the credits as a “non-speaking role.”

Jack has obviously since tried to make this story out as a classic case of him being shat on by the world, but it’s hard to feel huge amounts of sympathy for him when he’s been clawing for that American bread for the best part of a decade.

Also I’ve fully had enough of his ‘camp’ persona

It’s not funny when David Walliams does it and it’s not funny when Jack does it. Simple as.

Straight comedians affecting stereotypically gay mannerisms in a bid for cheap laughs is a form of mockery – and that Jack is still doing it isn’t funny anymore.

Not that there’s anything inherently wrong with Jack embracing his femininity, but when he starts getting cast in gay roles in what has been described as an act of “queer erasure” it strays into the realms of total bullshit.

Tbh anyone who’s bezzie mates with James Corden is basically a walking red flag

Look at the shit-eating grins on their faces. Ew.

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