Your font choice absolutely determines what essay grade you will get

Comic Sans users should not bother submitting anything

4 years ago

Hear me out: The font you use in essay absolutely determines what grade you get. More than that, it absolutely determines what kind of person you are.

Researchers at the library of Duke University even wrote a blog post where they detailed which font gave them the best grade. I feel extremely justified to tell you that essays written in Georgia did the best. It is not just my passionate belief that Font choice makes all the difference. Ellen, a third-year student at Southampton University, said that 'like comic sans people, why are you at uni?'. Another student, Yasmin from Exeter, told us that 'Calibri all day everyday' is what allows her to coast through those dreary deadlines.

Here is a breakdown of the most popular fonts and why you should absolutely, or absolutely not, use them.

Cambria

Handsome, respectable, Cambria is the font you'd introduce to your parents. It's the font Brexit should use because it is ultimately strong and stable.

DEGREE GRADE: Definitely a 2:1 candidate, 68/100.

Helvetica

This is the kind of font that would be used on divorce paperwork. It's functional, yeah, but it doesn't really say anything except "I'm a liability on a night out."

DEGREE GRADE: 2:1, 61/100.

Stencil

DEGREE GRADE: 2:2, 52/100 (in some kind of Art subject).

Georgia

The best font for the best name. Obviously.

DEGREE GRADE: First, 78/100.

Calibri Light

This says nothing about you except that you're boring and trying to be edgy. Stick with normal Calibri and stop criticising us for being thicc.

DEGREE GRADE: 2:1, 61/100 (boring but scapes through).

Wingdings

These madlads are incredible and we should bow down to them. Wingdings is the iconic font which has seen everything from conspiracy theories to art projects. Use with caution.

Translation: MADMADMADMADMADLADSWHATISGOINGON (but who cares?)

DEGREE GRADE: They'll either fail or get a first, 89/100.

Times New Roman

Times is for the bitches who mean business. Good luck to anyone trying to fail a TNR user. They are official, have their own fucking empire, and don't mess around for deadlines.

DEGREE GRADE: First, boss bitch 75/100.

Arial

The kind of font that is used by philosophy students to make their work sound more intellectual. Avoid.

DEGREE GRADE: 59/100, just lost the cut-off, sorry babe.

Century

This font is another wavy choice but you have to admire the peeps who use it. Shout out to those risk-takers who want their writing to look like a 19th century diary entry.

DEGREE GRADE: 2:1, 63/100, original.

Century Gothic

Users of this bad boy mean business. It's clear, clean-cut and makes you want to read. This is a serious contender for most impressive font.

DEGREE GRADE: 1st, 72/100.

Trebuchet MS

This font screams 'A-Level Notes' and is just not serious enough for further study. Leave it in the past, pals.

DEGREE GRADE: 52/100, they just couldn't manage referencing.

Papyrus

This font screams that you never left Year 9 or you've got a serious obsession with dodgy writing. If you're going to be zany, do it right and choose Century Gothic.

DEGREE GRADE: 2:2, 51/100, grow up Papyrus.

Brush Script

This might be controversial but this one is not as bad as it may seem. It's the ultimate aesthetic and the way you wish your handwriting looked. No need to get jealous.

DEGREE GRADE: 2:1, 69/100 (ayyyyyy)

Comic Sans

No words. You'll fail, but we'd respect you for it.

DEGREE GRADE: First or third, no in-between.

Baskerville Old Face

Another retro font, this one doesn't quite fit the bill. Sorry BOF users, you're just trying too hard xoxo.

DEGREE GRADE: 2:1, 60/100. Just.

Thus, the verdict is in. Font choice absolutely makes a difference with what you put out there. Grades, jobs, chance to get a second-date? It's all about your font choice, mate.