Recruitment is the lamest grad job going and this video proves it
You’re better off on your mum’s sofa
Post-uni employment is a minefield. TeachFirst? A gap year? Fuck knows. If you're like 65 per cent of Clapham's residents, it's recruitment where you find yourself at the end of your hunt.
It's the last taxi on the rank. The final chicken wing resting on the heater at 4am.
But you know what? It's appealing. Wearing a Ralph Lauren shirt, getting paid a fair amount, and never having anyone ask questions about your job after you tell them what you do. Sweet deal.
And yet. One thing threatens to drag the noble profession's name through the mud. A bunch of people at a recruitment firm have made a video showing off its summer party.
Barrington James, unironically called BJ, are a life sciences recruitment company who wants to show you how lit it is.
Before you watch, savour the YouTube description: "Hotel bar, local restaurant or just drinks after work….if this sounds like your companies Summer Party then read on!
"On Friday 23rd August, our Head Office finished at 1pm before heading off to a local venue. After receiving their VIP wristbands they were transported into our very own ‘Ibiza White Party’ complete with foam, white bouncy castle, games, pimp your drink stations and did we mention a free bar ALL night???
"If you want to join a Sunday Times Top 5 Company to work for and want to party as hard as you work, then drop our TA team a message [email protected] or call for an informal chat 01293 300846"
This is how a recruitment company tries to recruit people. But as a set of paragraphs, words stifled by the constraints of the English language, they barely scratch at the surface of the sheer horror of the video.
It kicks off with someone missing a shot in beer pong. If you're searching for a metaphor, here it is.
Then, all the #dudes spill out of a conservatory, dressed in white, buzzing to be there. One's on his phone, another has AirPods in. Are these employees or local schoolchildren?
A few shots of B roll footage give you a chance to regain composure, before a dude does a war cry (muted, all you can actually hear is the 'Thomas Cook ad' music playing over the top) into the camera.
By this point, we're only four seconds into the video. The IBIZA sign reveals itself, and the full horror of the foam party is clear.
A foam party? You can just smell HR sweating.
There's dancing. Oh boy, there's dancing. Dance like your LinkedIn post has just smashed 10 likes.
Dance like you've finished at 1pm and you used up too much annual leave to go to actual Ibiza.
There's a bouncy castle, which you're not allowed on if you're wearing proper socks. Nobody in recruitment wears proper socks.
By the time a woman crawls through the foam, I'm unsure whether I'm actually watching the test shots for Get Out Two.
And, as a final triumph, the video switches to landscape. "LIFE AT BJ" someone screams into a camera, before it pans around to a group doing the weird sit-down dancing you only usually get at a halls pres where nobody likes each other.
There is nothing I want to do less than work in recruitment.