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Which drug has the most annoying user? It’s time to settle this

Ket spoons are bait, just saying

5 years ago

Drug users are annoying. It's the truth, plain and simple. If you think you don't know any annoying drug users, that's because it's probably you. Drugs yield a fair bit of clout, so everyone who does drugs really wants you to know they do drugs.

Also, everyone has a favourite drug they brag about more than anything else. Your drug of choice determines how you dress, which circles you move in (i.e ketty rave girls, stoner skate boys who think weed is a substitute for a personality) and as of now: How annoying you are.

We all know some drug users are far more irritating than others. But who's the most annoying of all? From least to most, here's the official ranking:

5. MDMA

Cue shock and awe, mandy users come bottom of the list. Yes, they are annoying if you're on a night out with them and you're not pinging. They'll constantly be touching you, telling you how much they love you or how much they love mandy.

They'll probably try to kiss you at one point and their gurn-central-gum-cavern of a mouth is deeply off putting unless you're also high, but they're still more bearable than other drug users. Why? Because they're so damn nice. Mandy is all peace, love and big beats, man.

They might be a bit bothersome, but they love you and want you both to be having the best night of your lives. Can you blame them?

4. Hallucinogenics

Oh man please tell me again how much I NEED to try hallucinogenics. Please tell me about how it's going to open my mind. You definitely haven't already told me enough already.

That being said, people who do mushrooms and acid etc. tend to congregate together and only do those drugs with each other. This means they're not that annoying to be around, unless you're unfortunate enough to stumble into a convo about them.

This character can also gain bonus annoying points if they dress in a way which is really overtly screams I DO HALLUCINOGENICS. Think blindingly colourful outfits and their face looking like it’s been vaselined and dipped entirely in glitter – because it's irritating to the eyes.

3. Ket

Ket heads are either super unexpected people you never would suspect do ket, or your bog standard ketty rave goers who live in cycling shorts and garish printed shirts. Also the only dance they know is gun fingers.

They're mid level on this list because they can slip past you. Someone who knows how to handle their ket and doesn't shout about it is always decent on a night out.

But they're high on the list because they're annoying. If your mate k-holes they can be stuck in it for literal hours and they essentially become your child. Also anyone who wears a ket spoon around their neck to a festival should be banned for life, purely due to the sheer audacity of it.

2. Weed

Bet you didn't expect this. Largely considered the least offensive drug of all, weed is also probably the most commonplace and most frequently used.

You can smoke every night and probably be okay (until the psychosis sets in later in life) but if you did mandy all the time you'd probably die. That's exactly why weed users are so annoying. Because they can smoke so much and get away with it, people do, and it becomes their whole personality. How many boys do you know that are seemingly in a state of perpetual stonedom, and it's like, all you know about them? It's at least two, isn't it?

Also weed users are annoyingly high and mighty about their weed knowledge. You must know the difference between a blunt and a joint. They might only have two brain cells but they still know the difference between a sativa and an indica. And if you ever cough you are banished from the weed kingdom.

Yet, one breed of drug user is so much worse.

1. Coke

Coming in top for most annoying drug user: coke heads. From 40-year-old bankers to boys in bands, everyone does coke. But people who do coke forget that. They seem to think it's the coolest drug, like it still has celebrity status or something, and will definitely call it "gear" at some point.

The reality is: it's not impressive, it's ridiculously expensive for a small amount and you have to be constantly doing bumps to feel anything "worthwhile".

Yeah, it can bring people up a bit and make them more lively – but so does mandy. Yet unlike mandy, coke users fuck off to the bathroom every five mins and come back oh-so-subtly sniffing because they want everyone to know exactly what they just did.