Finally we’re seeing Curtis for what he is, an insufferable creep

Everything about him is forced


Curtis has been annoyingly resistant to any form of criticism for weeks now. The man could do no wrong. Despite his annoying tendency to lunge into any conversation with shit advice, the nation couldn’t help but love him.

His romance with Amy was going swimmingly, he played the role of villa peacekeeper well, and in every way he seemed a shoe-in for the prize money at the end. But last night Curtis showed his true colours – and shattered Amy’s self esteem into a million tiny pieces.

In that moment Curtis's facade as the perfect man crumbled, revealing he was not the man we thought him to be.

But here’s the real tea, Curtis always been the deadest ting in the villa, and here’s why:

He strung Amy along by telling her she was his perfect girl only to pull the rug out from under her at the last second

In what was honestly the most Love Island display of unfaithfulness any of us have ever seen, Curtis confessed to Amy that he’d had his head turned. He’d not really done anything at all, but he told Amy about his doubts with the solemn tone of someone who’d been serially shagging every other girl he laid eyes on.

To make matters worse, the conclusion Curtis drew from all this was that the two of them needed to work on their trust – not him, both of them. Michael's gaslighting was bad enough, but there was something a bit more sinister about Curtis's treatment of Amy.

He came onto Jourdan even though she wasn’t remotely interested

Perhaps inspired by how easily Michael managed to jump ship, Curtis put his cards on the table and straight up told Jourdan he would couple up with her given the choice. Notice at no point did Curtis ask Jourdan whether she felt the same way, instead he continued with his declaration, paying absolutely no mind to Jourdan asking him “are you sure?”

The whole dialogue makes his later speech about having his head turned even more ridiculous. A lot of the fallout might have been avoided if he had just asked Jourdan what she thought rather than just assume she’d be up for recoupling with him.

His motivational speeches are actually infuriating and aren’t ever helpful

Sorry but you cannot deny Curtis would be unbearable in real life. When Joe got dumped from the Island, he told the remaining Islanders: “From now on, no one should take anything for granted.

"Never watch the clock, be the clock. Keep ticking, moving forward and progressing in life."

Jesus wept. You would think by the tone of his speech that Joe had actually died, not been kicked off a reality show.

Maybe Curtis was trying to allude to the various fates early evictees have gone on to suffer: Posing with car air fresheners, selling porn of themselves, or advertising Harry Potter World. Or maybe he really just is that annoying.

The ‘bromance’ with Tommy looks like a forced attempt to copy Chris and Kem

Chris and Kem created a flawless model of how to monetise villa bromances, so when your relationship inevitably crashes and burns after six months, you can still acquire bread. Curtis, being the cynical moneygrabber that he is, is aware of this, and has latched onto Tommy (our new national treasure) to secure those bromance dollars.

But here’s the thing, Curtis and Tommy’s bromance is 100 per cent staged – just look at the kiss below:

Zero energy. Right? You can tell a mile off neither of them genuinely want to be doing what they're doing (maybe because they were under orders from the secret cupboard). Now observe Chris and Kem getting off:

The secret to Chris and Kem’s relationship was the idea that these two very blokey straight guys would never actually fuck, but they probably could for the bants. Watching them now you can clearly see the pair are genuinely mates, whereas you could never see Curtis and Tommy hanging out on the outside world unless they were getting paid mad stacks to do so.

The way he talked about fingering Amy made everyone want to vomit

Now I won’t deny, Amy’s face while Curtis was presumably treating her to some thoroughly mediocre finger-blasting was jokes and endlessly memeable. It was a moment only Curtis could manage to spoil.

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Iconic

The next day, Curtis held a weird little board meeting with the boys of the villa in which he said: "Basically, you know, we’ve been cuddling in bed and everything, and everything's been going super good and super nice.

"From the smile on my face I think you can tell I’ve been… Well we won’t have to say them words or anything. We won’t have to go down any lines, but just so you know our relationship is going very well.

"There may have been some… more than kissing. But we’re all gentlemen here so we’re not gonna say whatever’s happened but I thought I’d let you know things are progressing in our relationship."

I mean – listen him say it. It’s like observing a bunch of 15-year-old boys:

This man needs to be stopped and should be booted out of the villa at the next possible opportunity, please and thank you.

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