Vote now for the UK’s biggest BNOC of 2019: Heat one
These people will all be famous one day
What a year it's been for clout-chasers. We've had people getting tattoos of clubs just to get free entry for life, we've seen horny wrong'uns begging for condoms on Facebook groups, one student even brought an actual fish to a club called Fishies.
But those antics don't matter anymore. Because one thing – and only one thing – can make you a BNOC: Cold hard popularity.
We've scoured BNOC competitions from up and down the country to bring you the crème de la crème of big names. The 20 students below will probably all be famous one day. Check them out, and vote for the one you want to see in the final:
Jack Colman, Royal Holloway
In fairness, it's not massively hard to be a BNOC at Royal Holloway, given about five people actually go there.
Even so, Jack told The Royal Holloway Tab he'd celebrate with red VKs and Pimms. We didn't bother to check if he followed through on this because he obviously doesn't have a hope in hell of winning.
Henry Hill, Southampton
Henry Hill is arguably the Platonic ideal of a BNOC. He founded a society called BadBoyPizza Soc, and his attempt to run for Soton SU President was unquestionably brilliant. Somehow he was disqualified for a campaign overspend of £10.70, which is honestly one of the biggest injustices in the history of bumout student politics.
Joe Healy, Sussex
Perhaps the defining story of Joe's life so far happened on rugby tour. A nominator told The Sussex Tab: "Someone needed a room to shag in, so they used Joe's because his hearing aids were off."
If that weren't tragic enough, reports suggest Joe's conversion rate with the opposite sex is incredibly poor, and he often ends his nights out with a kiss on the cheek after bringing girls home. Hard lines.
Oliver Riley, Cambridge
Oliver, who was described by his nominator as "the most wet Tory in Cambridge," once wrote an apology letter to a bouncer after he got kicked out of Cindies. Now he's apparently bezzies with her. Go figure.
Iris Leschirnig-Reichel, Exeter
If you look closely at Isis's abs, you can actually see your insecurities in them. She told The Exeter Tab: "I am Iris – the self-declared queen of campus. Do I qualify as a BNOC? My Instagram followers, taxi drivers (who know me by name) and attendees of my house parties would agree and just admit it, so would you. Why are you so obsessed with me?"
Ibz Mo, Cambridge
Unlike his fellow Cambridge nominees, who seemed to have ranked highly based on the fact that they are Tories, Ibz seems to be a stand-up guy. A friend told The Cambridge Tab: "He has probably done more for access in his two years being at Cambridge than all the access officers on the JCR combined."
"Hundreds and hundreds of students are inspired by him and his journey to reach their full potential and he has really helped to demystify the Cambridge application process and life as a student here."
Ellie Ramsay, Birmingham
Known far and wide in Selly for her love of all things booze and boogie, Ellie told us: "The sesh does call and I do go." Apparently, her cousin called Jeremy Paxton a whore on University Challenge.
Harvey Jack, Liverpool
If this were to be decided on beard alone, Harvey would probably run away with it, as his is the only facial growth worth writing home about. Perhaps that's why he's not too bothered whether he wins or not, he told us: "Win or lose, we're always on the booze."
Jude Afieh, Exeter
Look at that cheerleading kit. So cool. Anyway, the impossibly modest Jude told us: "Great things are said about me, some may think that I can’t live up to my reputation, but I always do."
Ethan Smallwood, Nottingham
He thinks of himself as "the Tyrion Lannister of Nottingham", adding: "To paraphrase the great man himself, my name is Ethan Smallwood, I drink and I know things."
Farhan Chin, Birmingham
Farhan not winning BNOC in Birmingham was apparently such a scandal that the entire uni was in danger of imploding. He's since come to terms with his defeat, but I was told by many that not including "the people's BNOC" would probably result in my brutal murder.
Charlie Wooton, Liverpool
According to The Liverpool Tab, you'll find Charlie at "Smithdown parties with three bottles of red, about campus in the Life Sciences building, or doing muscle ups topless in Sefton Park."
Despite clearly not being an advocate of wearing many clothes, you might pause to notice the weird stringy thing he's wearing instead of a tie – BNOC energy if ever I saw it.
Harry Norris, Southampton
As you might be able to tell from his picture, Harry, aka Dennis McNennis, is a bit of a bantersauraus rex. After a Southampton club was evacuated following the discovery of a poo on the floor, Harry bizarrely owned up to it, claiming to be the "Switch Shitter."
He later revealed he had nothing to do with it, and was pretending to have shat himself in a club for clout. It's a saga which is only confusing if you think about it too hard. Or at all.
Ugo Eze, Exeter
"It ain't Eze being Ugo," claims this Maths second year. He told The Exeter Tab it takes him two hours to get to campus every day because so many people stop him for chats.
He also said: "I hear that Big Mike from The Blind Side is often stopped in the street and mistaken for me in America. That’s just how big I’ve become."
You can pat yourself on the back if you didn't have to Google who that person is.
Yazz James, Sussex
Yazz is involved in both Student Union newspaper The Badger, and student radio. Putting these gigantic red flags to one side, Yazz's nominees describer her as friendly and smiley, which is nice.
George Nuttal, Lancaster
George was crowned Lancaster's second hottest single earlier this year, and all he wants this time around is to be the second biggest BNOC. Granted, he does work for LUSU, so minus points there.
Bella Lee, York
Bella caused controversy on the otherwise very twee and peaceful Yorfess page when she was papped wearing grey joggers saving seats in the library. Look, York is the sort of place where grey joggers divide opinion – get over it.
Jade Sullivan, Lancaster
Jade spent "three years" working towards her dream of being a BNOC, which I'm sure her mum is thrilled about. She told The Lancaster Tab: "I would like to say to my opponents, especially George Nuttall, that working for LUSU doesn't make you a BNOC, you've gotta work for it."
Drew Hale, Coventry
Drew described to The Coventry Tab a romantic encounter unlike any you'll ever hear about. She claims she took a boy home from a night out and proceeded to make him lick yoghurt off her before getting intimate. Her flatmates walking in mid-way through did nothing to stop her.
Now you've seen our BNOCs – VOTE FOR YOUR FAVOURITE BELOW!