These Valentine’s Clubbers will make you cry into your microwave meal

You’re so fucking alone, but in the end we all are


Received wisdom suggests every Valentine's puts you into two categories: annoying mutuals by being performatively single on the 'net or, you know, shagging.

But, in the true spirit of Tony Blair, there's a third way. Getting rinsed online when you were just trying to have fun on a night out.

New Toy Story looks shit ngl. Andy's spent too much time looking at Yeezys

Image may contain: Glasses, Apparel, Sleeve, Clothing, Goggles, Finger, Sunglasses, Accessories, Accessory, Person, Human

I've lived a thousand LightYears in a single second

Good. Hair.

Image may contain: People, Pub, Bar Counter, Guitar, Musical Instrument, Leisure Activities, Skin, Apparel, Clothing, Accessory, Tie, Accessories, Human, Person

Holding your mate's hair on is the ultimate act of friendship

Image may contain: Crowd, Disco, Night Life, Party, Night Club, Club, Human, Person

I love hair

Until you let go and they pull your hair off

Image may contain: Make Out, Night Life, Night Club, Party, Club, Person, Human

Still pulled

"Well there were three of us in this marriage, so it was a bit crowded": Diana, Princess of Wales (1995)

Image may contain: Night Club, People, Clothing, Apparel, Party, Night Life, Club, Face, Person, Human

Does this make the smurf Camilla?

What are we having for dinner tonight? Chinese? Indian? NO

Image may contain: Leisure Activities, Party, Night Club, Club, Night Life, Person, Human

I'M GOING TO EAT TIE!!!!!!!!!!!

Taps. Aff

Image may contain: Advertisement, Poster, Crowd, Vacation, Tourist, Leisure Activities, Party, Person, Human, Skin

Milky bois are my fave

A man stares lovingly at his drink. It is his Valentine

Image may contain: Alcohol, Clothing, Apparel, Drink, Beverage, Couch, Furniture, Human, Person

Club Tropicana, drinks love me???

Good composition

Image may contain: Dating, Crowd, Night Life, Night Club, Party, Club, Person, Human

Lots going on. Don't just scroll by

Eat my hand it's Valentine's and M&S have run out of the – frankly exceptionally well-priced – ready meal for two

Image may contain: Advertisement, Poster, Disco, Night Club, Club, Party, Person, Human

I know it's not romantic but it's ~necessary~

Two excellent photobombers

Image may contain: Disco, Party, Night Club, Club, Person, Human

Two vibes. Two brilliant vibes

HI IT'S CHRIS TARRANT FROM WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE. YOU'RE DOWN AS SAM'S PHONE A FRIEND, YES?

Image may contain: Karaoke, Leisure Activities, Night Club, Club, Human, Person

Oh my goodd yes I hope the question is about Roman viaducts

Fair fucks

Image may contain: Drink, Beverage, Alcohol, Beer, Night Club, Accessory, Accessories, Sunglasses, Night Life, Club, Party, Human, Person

You just have to step up and be That Guy

No jokes, just everyone in this pic having a fucking great time

Image may contain: Disco, Night Life, Beverage, Drink, Beer, Alcohol, Night Club, Club, Person, Human, Party

Unlike you. You'll die alone.

All photos are from the clubs' official Facebook pages. Featured image via Trash Brighton.