These Valentine’s Clubbers will make you cry into your microwave meal

Received wisdom suggests every Valentine's puts you into two categories: annoying mutuals by being performatively single on the 'net or, you know, shagging.

But, in the true spirit of Tony Blair, there's a third way. Getting rinsed online when you were just trying to have fun on a night out.

New Toy Story looks shit ngl. Andy's spent too much time looking at Yeezys

Good. Hair.

Holding your mate's hair on is the ultimate act of friendship

Until you let go and they pull your hair off

"Well there were three of us in this marriage, so it was a bit crowded": Diana, Princess of Wales (1995)

What are we having for dinner tonight? Chinese? Indian? NO

Taps. Aff

A man stares lovingly at his drink. It is his Valentine

Good composition

Eat my hand it's Valentine's and M&S have run out of the – frankly exceptionally well-priced – ready meal for two

Two excellent photobombers

HI IT'S CHRIS TARRANT FROM WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE. YOU'RE DOWN AS SAM'S PHONE A FRIEND, YES?

Fair fucks

No jokes, just everyone in this pic having a fucking great time

Unlike you. You'll die alone.

All photos are from the clubs' official Facebook pages. Featured image via Trash Brighton.