Roll up roll up, here comes this year’s Maddest Fresher 2018 nominees

Not another one!!!


Not everyone has what it takes to be crowned Maddest Fresher. It requires someone who hasn’t been to one lecture all term, has already maxed out their £2,500 Santander overdraft and has been banned from at least two clubs. They’ve been to A&E for drunken mistakes and woken up the next day looking at their hospital wrist band thinking “how the fuck did that get there?” They can’t tell their arse from their elbow – they’re the most legendary person in your halls.

This year we’ve had £4,000 dental fees, sending nudes to everyone in halls and an accidental £400 Uber ride. Vote below who you think should be crowned this year’s Maddest Fresher:

Jack, Geography, Newcastle

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Jack was on a night out when he decided to he wanted to try a bit of parkour and swing off a pipe over the crowd in a club. Little did he know that the pipe was actually a sewage pipe, which ended up breaking and spraying piss on everyone below. Most people would go after home after this pungent and embarrassing debacle – but not Jack, who carried on for another few hours wearing his mate’s non-piss smelling t-shirt.

Jamie, Belfast

After losing odds to his mate, Jamie agreed to accept his Deliveroo order stark naked – although he left his socks on. Vid below for evidence.

Zelie, Engineering, Coventry

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Zelie accidentally sent nudes to the whole of her halls instead of one boy. It’s gonna be a long three years babe.

Angus, Ship Science, Southampton

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After a night out at Oceana, Angus showcased himself as a true gentleman to the girl he’d bought back home with him. Soon after sleeping with her, he drifted off and pissed the bed. Instead of holding accountability for his actions, he blamed it on the girl and made her sleep on the floor – nice. When Angus found out he hadn’t won Southampton’s Maddest Fresher, he sent the editors voice notes demanding to “discuss” the outcome of the vote – hopefully he doesn’t do the same again this time round!!

Connor, Biology, Newcastle

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Connor smashed his tooth after leapfrogging over a bollard and face-planting the floor. The damage? £4,000 in dental reconstruction fees to rescue his beautiful smile.

Katie, Media Production, Coventry

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Katie managed to spend £900 of her overdraft in less than 24 hours after smashing her brand new iPhone 8 (the case and insurance were too much for her £500 phone), and spending £400 on an Uber (!!!!) from London to Coventry. Why did she spend so much on one Uber? She was so pissed she thought she was in Birmingham.

Emma, Sports Science, Southampton

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Emma was absolutely RAGING after coming back from Southampton club Switch, leading her to rip the radiator off her wall, pull down her curtains, kick bottles of VK eventually spraining her wrist. Emma sounds like a dream housemate.

Annabel, Sports Science, Newcastle

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Annabel woke up with a hospital band on her ankle and zero recollection of the night before, except the fact she was in Newcastle’s Soho Rooms. Convinced her friends were having her on, she didn’t believe she’d been taken to A&E. That’s until a text came through from the NHS asking her to rate her time in the hospital.

Nicolas, Civil Engineering, Coventry

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“I have no clue how I’m alive”, is how Nicholas responded to his 16-day boozing streak. To try and remember all the places he’d been on his two week bender, Nicolas stole shot glasses to piece the journey together.

Archie, Accounting and Finance, Southampton

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As a rogue individual, Archie has accomplished a lot in his first term at Southampton, cementing him as one of the loosest characters in halls. He’d jumped onto the roof of a moving taxi and didn’t kill himself, ordered a tattoo gun off the internet to use in pres, drank piss accidentally and urinated in a girl’s wardrobe thinking it was the toilet. Term two is gonna be large.

Freddie, Maths, Newcastle

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Freddie managed to write off Freshers’ Week before it had even begun when he ran into a lamppost, causing him to have some serious concussion. On doctor’s orders, he was told no drinking for two weeks. Savage.