Do you want to work in recruitment? Because this is the #lad hellscape that awaits you
Honestly, you’re better than this
Do you know what you want to do after uni yet? Other than the obvious things like making enough money to survive and not completely destroying your soul – you may not have given it much thought.
Many of the people reading this will inevitably end up in recruitment. Promising slightly above average salaries for glorified call-centre work, you may look at it and think "What could be so bad about this?"
Well. That's where the boys of Haigh Associates come in. This incredibly average London recruitment company have produced a video so bad that feels like a parody of literally everything that's wrong with graduate recruiting.
Posted yesterday on LinkedIn and currently being mocked and going viral on Twitter, this is a genuine and earnest attempt to recruit more flashy young men into recruitment.
Featuring the same outfit in six slightly different ways and a grand total of 1.5 women, it offers a rare look into exactly how important people in recruiting think they are.
The opening shot is two men conducting business outside their office for no reason. Or they've got lost on their way back from Essex and have met here at a mutually convenient location to plan their trip home.
We then move inside, where our gigantic trench-coated man puts his arm round a much smaller woman, his muscle memory from Friday night at Pryzm Kingston kicking in and automatically grabbing any woman in his path.
The video then rushes through a thrilling montage of: white men with bad haircuts walking into a meeting room, white men with bad haircuts sitting in an egg chair, white men with bad haircuts talking on the phone, with! and! also! without! headsets!
But recruitment isn't all such pure hedonistic carnage, the lads also manage to find the time to unbutton their shirts and play ping pong. Truly the absolute peak of office accessories about 10 years ago when it was still novel.
You may be thinking here, but this looks sick, what's the catch?? Well here's the thing. There is no catch because with these lads, they work hard but, boy they also play hard.
It would also appear that the only women at Haigh's are either lobby arm candy or silently typing in the background. How fun.
The video then moves away from the dizzying heights of drone shots over East London to a montage of the #boys getting on a private plane, the story of which I think is best told in pictures.
Here we see four of our brave recruitment boys in their presumably rented Range Rover with manservant to open their doors for them.
Despite there only being four heroes in the car, there are now SIX on camera. One of whom who was presumably told they'd all be wearing white. Just one of the classic laughs they have in recruitment I bet!
Our white shirted friend has now mysteriously swapped position, almost as if to suggest that we're all just interchangeable cogs in a corporate machine or also maybe the film crew got lazy.
We then see the boys get in their tiny plane (which the CEO has angrily commented on LinkedIn saying it was chartered to Ibiza) and presumably Live It Up! the way only bland city workers can.
The sad truth is, there are a lot of mindless apprentice wannabes, with degrees like finance or management studies that will look at this and want nothing more in life than to wear black shirts and chino shorts and follow these guys all over the world.
They're already a lost cause.
But you, you still have a chance. You probably haven't really thought about what you want to do with your life yet. But before you make a final decision and you find yourself slipping towards recruitment, watch this video again.
Drink in the shots of headset mics, smell the Paco Rabanne fragrance, hear the shouted banter cries and ask yourself whether you deserve better than the life of a #recruitment #legend.
Because you probably do.