What not to do in bed, according to girls who have had ENOUGH

Dr Alex you need to read this hun


Dr Alex off Love Island is finally in the Do Bits Society, but his invitation into the group hasn't exactly been route one. From what was said between Alexandra and Dani, Alex grabbed Alexandra's hand whilst they were in bed, opened his shorts and put her hand on his dick – and imo, that's just not sexy.

So here we are again giving out some sex education – which the Do Bits Society (maybe just Dr Alex) could do with reading. Like how to finger a girl, how to play with a girl's boobs and how to pull on a first date.

There are just some things, some really really obvious things that should never be done in bed if you want a girl to have good sex with you. Not acting like you're in a porno is one, and not pushing our heads down is another, so read on and learn useless boys:

Pushing our head down to give a blowjob

Look pal, I'm making my way down there one bit at a time, I don't need you forcefully pushing down on my head breaking my neck in the process. Pushing = bad one minute max blow job.

Pushing our hand down to give a handjob

Hey Dr Alex! I'll touch your dick if I want, when I want!

Asking us "are you close yet??"

I was, but now I'm not because you've made me respond to your inane question meaning I've lost concentration so THANKS. If we're close, you'll know – trust me.

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Asking "have you come?"

It's just not sexy – you'll know when we have come: we're wetter, we've probably told you, noises would've been made. If you're asking that question, you probably haven't made a girl come.

Making weird, over the top porno noises when you come

Alright mate we're not starring in a PornHub vid you can tone it down.

Asking to change position, or asking what's up next

If you want to change position, just move us. Take control and put us on top or move us into doggy. Asking what we're going into next makes the mood feel like a step-by-step process, like you're making Ikea furniture – and that's not sexy.

Pulling hair to the point we're concerned it's going to rip out

A little pull is sexy, but that doesn't mean you can tug on our hair like our necks are about to snap.

Ass slapping really heavily without asking

Again, a lil slap is fine as long as the girl has consented to it and enjoys a bit of rough play. But going straight in for a red hand print when we're not expecting it is not okay.

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Cringe dirty talk

"Yeah baby you like that???"

Read this and get it right or get out of my bed tbh.

Coming and then not finishing us off if we haven't yet

IT'S JUST SELFISH AND RUDE.

Acting like we're in a porno

Unless down for it, asking to come on our face, boobs, hair is not a vibe.

Aggressive fingering

Ever heard of rhythm? The clit? Finger blasting us is the easiest way to turn us off and say the words "actually I'm a bit tired". It also fucking hurts – you're not stuffing a turkey here, you're putting your fingers in a vagina!!! Give it some respect!!

Going down on a girl, but not using any fingers

If you don't use your tongue you're weak and a -1/10 in bed – facts only. Guys going down on a girl is the best feelings, so learn how to do it right.

Stopping whatever you're doing at a critical moment

Sometimes teasing a girl before she's about to come is hot, but 9/10 we've probably spent ages getting to that point, so for you to take it all away because you're bored of being down there is quite frankly mean.

Not cuddling after after sex

Even if it's just for five mins, a lil spoon is a nice way to finish off – even if you are a bit hot and sweaty.

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Thrusting into our mouths during a blowjob

My throat isn't a cave which stretches miles beyond my mouth like Mary Poppins' hand bag – there is an finite amount of space in here and you jolting your penis into my tonsils isn't going to make it any bigger or this blowjob any better.

Only doing missionary, or just making us go on top

B-o-r-i-n-g.

Being too quiet

Helloooooo are you there? We need some confirmation you're enjoying yourself and we're doing stuff right. Usually "you're so good" or "that feels good" will do.

Constantly asking if everything's okay

We will tell and direct you if it's not okay – or you'll know from our silence.

Ignoring our boobs

Boobs are so important during sex. At all times you want to be feeling them, whether that's when we're on top or during foreplay. Our nipples can be pulled, sucked, twisted – don't leave them behind pls.

Biting our nipples to hard

Okay there's having a nibble then there is chewing down. They might look like ice gems but don't treat them like it – they're sensitive!!

Other articles you should read on how to have decent sex:

1) 18 things girls want you to know about touching their boobs during sex

2) Girls tell us the 19 weirdest things guys have done straight after sex

3) Things boys should not do on Tinder, by disappointed girls

4) How to eat a girl out, by disappointed straight girls