Behold! Here’s every desperate attempt Eyal has made to get famous
Warning: He puts a fidget spinner on his nipple
In the space of barely two weeks, Love Island's Eyal has gone from waffly but harmless villa hippy, to laying out the extent of his full-bore ambition and being made to smell Adam's beads. He's intent on "playing the game" and succeeding at any cost.
Just as you can't fatten a pig on market day, the hunger for fame isn't one you wake up with the night before you start filming an ITV2 reality show. Over the years, Eyal's tried a sickening range of things, all in an attempt to get noticed for the big time.
Here's everything he's done in an attempt to get famous.
Joining teen pop sensation EverYoung
Eyal went to the same drama school as Rita Ora and Amy Winehouse, where he was put into tween supergroup EverYoung. Sure, they reached number 30 in the Indie Charts, it's no big deal.
As tween pop bands go, EverYoung sit only slightly above Party Posse, the group Bart, Milhouse, Nelson, and Ralph are moulded into and made to sing "Yvan Eht Nioj" in The Simpsons.
Have sympathy though, Eyal was 16 and by his own admission, "kinda got sold the dream that they were gonna turn me into a European superstar." Since we'll never know what was actually said to convince him of that, we can only assume it was: "America? Don't push it, but trust me kid, you'll be massive in Sweden."
Getting bollocked by legendary actor Jeremy Irons in a music video
As the voice of Scar in The Lion King and a Tony award winner, Jeremy Irons has scaled the heights of stage and screen. In many ways, he's very different to Hayley.
Crucially, though, they both share the inability to get Eyal's name right.
"We'd like that coffee today, Ale" are surely the finest words to come out of Jeremy Irons' mouth since he snarled "long live the king" in the Lion King's saddest scene.
Wearing a waistcoat and crooning the words "boys like a little more booty to hold at night"
Doing some modelling for Boohooman
For someone with such an extensive range of modelling poses, it's nice to see here that Eyal is holding the walls like he's fighting off a K hole.
Balancing a fidget spinner on his nipple for Playboy
Explaining, in depth, the philosophy behind his deep Instagram captions
If you were starting to think Eyal's efforts to scale the icy precipice of fame and fortune were amounting to little more than a discarded collection of hair curlers at base camp, this interview will change your mind.
Already famous enough to be the subject of an 18 minute interview, Eyal uses the platform to explain just why his Instagram captions are so deep.
"I do quite a lot of reading. I read quite motivational books that are just about life and helping others and really manifesting your thoughts and your desires into reality," he says.
"The kind of quotes I put are just meaningful things that hopefully make you think a little bit, not just about yourselves, but others and helping others and doing selfless acts of kindness in order to make yourself happier. Doing things for other people will make you happy."
Like cockblocking Alex.
Making random women eat cookie dough on camera
Given the current dearth of folksy sayings The Youth Of Today have, I have decided to coin a little nugget of wisdom:
Youtubers fucking suck.
Starting his own YouTube channel and getting it onnnnnnn with a tree
It has one video. He makes monkey noises. He says "I love green" and tries to pull a tree with the same nauseating graft he uses on Megan.
Aiming to motivate, inspire, and tell people the truth about life, Eyal promises a weekly vlog, but there's only one video.
Maybe starring in a Rita Ora music video
According to Eyal's LinkedIn profile, he's "worked on and featured in Rita Ora's music video Poison."
Now, I've watched this video a lot. I've analysed the possibly-Eyal guys Rita Ora flirts with and gone frame-by-frame through the wider crowd shots. After hearing more of this song than anyone should have to, it doesn't look like Eyal's in it.
Definitely starring in this video
You say you've never heard of it, but it's got 36 million views.
And now, going on every reality TV show that will have him
He's also ended up getting with absolutely everyone – including Rita Ora, and after the Love Island Christmas Reunion show, it seems Kendall is his latest thing.