The struggles all girls can relate to as soon as it gets above 20 degrees
Two words: Boob sweat
Summer's really great and I love drinking Aperol on a terrace and having my legs out and taking lots of plandids. But do you know what I really don't love? Sweat. Constant sweating. Thighs, forehead, bum, backs of legs, palms, a permanent sweaty upper lip alert – all of them, at the same time.
And that's not all summer brings. It's also the constant struggle between deciding whether to have a stubbly bikini line, or one which looks like it's come out in a rash. Where you're convinced you might have started lactating, but actually it's just your over-heated boobs.
Being a girl in the heat can be hard. These are some of uncomfortable situations all girls will experience as soon as it gets above 20 degrees.
Having an excessively itchy bikini line shaving rash, which looks like chicken pox
It would look better to just leave it rather than looking like you've got herpes.
Wearing anything denim, especially denim shorts, and the chafing that comes with it
Taking them off is like that scene from Friends when Ross is wearing leather trousers – near impossible.
Putting on a full face of makeup to then look in the mirror an hour later and see it’s all sliding off
Little bits of mascara have made their way to your eyelids. Some specks are on your cheeks. You look like you've done an all-nighter – your face just looks a little bit crusty. In a rescue mission, more concealer, foundation, mascara will be reapplied, but you know deep down it's a lost cause. You will wear your sunglasses for the rest of the day, even when it's dark.
Hair frizzing up thanks to the humidity, despite the bottle and a half of dehumidifying spray currently in your hair
No matter how hard you pulled on the straighteners to make your hair go flat, as soon as you're outside it's like you've just been sitting in a bath with an electric toaster.
Deciding whether to shave your legs and have shaving rash, or not to shave and have visible stubble
There are no winners in this situation. Either way it's going to look bad. The day is spent either hiding your spotty legs, or keeping them from touching someone, who would have the misfortune of feeling your legs which now resemble a bristle brush you'd clean the mud off your shoes with.
Deciding to wax everything and being forced to cover up in the scorching heat whilst the hair grows
Shaving all summer and dealing with constant rashes and bumps isn't on the agenda this year. But starting a waxing routine hasn't crossed your mind until the weatherman says it's going to be 28 degrees next week and you've just shaved your whole body for a date tonight. The following fortnight is spent sweating in jeans, socks and sleeved tops whilst you let your garden's grown.
Wearing a skirt, and facing the following:
1. The wind picking up meaning walking turns into awkward shuffling to try and prevent your floaty skirt rising up and showing off your knickers.
2. Your legs sticking together and having to be peeled off when sitting legs crossed, leaving some serious sweat residue.
3. Sitting down in the park or wherever and awkwardly trying not to flash when getting back up or changing position.
Wearing grey and realising the mammoth sweat patches which are inevitably going to happen
There's literally no hiding them. You'd rather buy an expensive top from the nearest shop than live in this tenth circle of hell.
Raging anxiety when wearing white jeans on your period
Unless you have a heavy flow, it's unlikely this would happen. But all you can think of is your crotch looking like a murder victim in an episode of Silent Witness with blood everywhere.
Or wearing anything white and imagining you’re going to come on at any moment
It's 17 days until your next period but it doesn't stop you from packing a pack of tampons in your bag, just in case.
Wearing foundation when it's hot knowing it’s going to cause spots, which is going to lead to more foundation to cover it up, leading to more spots
"Just leave them, go natural, the sun will dry them out!" Your mum tells you as you're squished up next to a mirror popping the third spot on your T-section.
Forgetting to paint your toenails when wearing sandals, so your chipped, old, varnish is on display to the world instead
Not a vibe.
Boob sweat which makes your tits look like they're lactating
Having big-boobs already has its challenges, so adding heat into the equation does not help. Lift them up and it's like a waterfall tucked under there.
Then vagina sweat and bum sweat making you feel like you've wet yourself
You'll end up sitting with your legs spread wide like some bloke when sat down to get some breeze up there. As for your bum, you just hope you're not gonna end up with sweat patches on the back of your shorts.
Wearing a sleeveless top them remembering you haven’t got rid of your armpit stubble
It's not even that visible, but the day will be spent with your arms glued beside you like a penguin so not to reveal the pits.
Getting a few savage cuts caused by cheap razors
Just invest in a decent one and be done with it.
Trying to remove a S.U.L.A without making it completely obvious there’s one
Oh what my upper lip is all wet I had not realised…
Awkward tan marks ruining what would be a really good outfit
Wow yeah, this bandeau top looks so good with these huge vest top tan lines showing through. Please, take my picture, put it on your Instagram.
Wearing a bikini on your period and convincing yourself the tampon string is out at all times
Meaning you have to try and slyly get away with checking without looking like you’re touching your vagina in the middle of the beach – awkward.
Debating whether to put on makeup first or sun cream, then realising regardless, it’s all going to melt off
Do you a) put on suncream first making your skin all oily like a deep fat fryer, or b) put it on second so all your highlighter, foundation and powder mixes into a horrible liquid, leaving your face looking five different shades.
Regular cat calls from creepy men just because you’re in a crop top
GET OVER IT, IT'S CALLED THE FEMALE BODY.
And having people stare at your boobs or legs because they’ve decided to make make an appearance because it’s warm
AGAIN, GET OVER IT.
Fingers swelling up and looking like little sausages thanks to the heat
This is made considerably worse if you wear lots of rings. Things will probably get so bad that at one point Fairy Liquid will be called in to slip them off.
Having big boobs and needing to wear a bra still, unlike girls will small boobs
It's like a lil paddling pool in there. Never have you been more envious of girls with small boobs.
Someone wanting a selfie even though your whole face is one big pool of sweat making your shine extra bright
MY FOREHEAD COULD CREATE ENERGY OR BLIND SOMEONE BECAUSE IT'S REFLECTING SO MUCH SUN.
Desperately putting on fake tan, fucking it up, and having to live with the consequences
Pretending you'd just got back from a week in the Costa Del Sol seemed like a good idea at the time when rubbing in Boots own-brand fake tan.
Illustrations by Diyora Shadijanova.
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