If you do any of these 23 things you are definitely a uni sad boy
Why do they only ever wear the same grey Slazenger jumper?
We've already helped you to establish whether you live in a 'sad boy house', but it would be unfair to tarnish all guys living in an all-guys house with the same brush.
Do you use frozen pizza boxes as plates? Pretty much exclusively drink pint cans of Stella? Spend entire nights out solely in the smoking area?
If this sounds like you check below to see if you're living life as a full-time sad boy. We're always looking for new sad members to join our very sad club.
Keeping an ever-growing collection of empty lagerbeer bottles even though you don't live in halls anymore
If you’re in first year, hanging on to your empty bottles is fairly common practice, especially in the form of a window display. If you're in second or third year and still doing this you are definitely a sad boy.
Sad boys always have a ‘going out song’ and it’s usually Angels by Robbie Williams
After spending the whole evening fighting with the pre-J over every single song, the sad boy will finally be granted one, the most important one that sends all the sad boys on their merry way. Angels by Robbie Williams is an obvious choice, alternate options include Chelsea Dagger by The Fratellis or you could play it route one and go for anything by Oasis.
Your girl group is made up of pints girls
Sad boys don't hang out with sad girls, that's just way too much sad for one friendship group. Sad girls hang about with rugby or hockey boys, just waiting to get fucked over by them so they can spend even more time moping about their living rooms in dressing gowns waiting for their hair to dry.
Pints girls are desperate to go to the pub with 'the boys' and sad boys are just happy for any sort of female attention – the perfect combo.
Eating a frozen pizza using the cardboard packaging as a plate
Why create extra washing up for yourself? Be the thinking man’s sad boy. Bonus points if you squirt condiments onto the coloured cardboard, you absolute animal.
You’re still in a hopeless relationship with a girl back home because finding a uni girlfriend would be a lot of effort
The number of National Rail tickets you buy every month and the cheap dates at Prezzo are making quite a dent in your wallet. But neither of you can be bothered to end it because being lazy and comfortable in a hopeless relationship is easier than the effort it’ll take to ask a girl out who’s actually in the same city as you.
You question whether that boy who is always on her Snap is getting with her behind your back. She denies everything, you accept that, but really she’s been sleeping with her for two months.
You wish writing FIFA apologies counted towards the 4,000 words you've got to submit at the start of next term
Frequent FIFA tournaments are a hallmark of every sad boy household, and with each crushing defeat comes another apology. “Please accept my sincere apologies for my abysmal display during your 8-0 victory,” you will write to your housemate. Sure, you were writing FIFA apologies when you were in Year 10, but every other aspect of your life is still the same as when you were 16 so why change now?
However, your apologies will be the most honest you’ve been about your feelings in several years. The three laugh and two sad reacts on your status will be entirely worth the half hour you’ve spent pouring out your heart and soul for all to see.
A sad boy morning routine consists of putting the cafetiere on the hob and popping outside in your dressing gown for a quick ciggy
This happens when the sad boy has shit to do. Steeling himself before a day spent trying to write his dissertation or contemplating actually turning up to his 11am seminar.
You pretty much only wear a grey Slazenger jumper – the ubiquitous sad boy uniform
Nothing screams: “I’m a sad boy and I don’t really care that much about how I look although secretly I do” like the 2 for £12 jobbies from Sports Direct.
You bring a four pack of Stella to every pre-drinks
If you’re ever at an actual pub rather than slumped on an uncomfortable black leather sofa round one of your sad boy friend’s house, slurping on a tinny, you will treat yourself to a chalice of your true beau.
You’ve never quite perfected the art of constructing a perfectly proportioned rollie
You only started smoking to give yourself a bit of peace and quiet for when you’re at pres or a house party. It’s nice to get away from it all sometimes.
You live off pesto pasta because it’s literally the only thing you know how to cook
You argue it’s cheap and easy so that’s why you live off it. But in reality you just can’t be arsed to make a half decent spag bol. I bet you eat it out of the pan you cooked it in as well, again, why create more washing up?
When home from uni you spend most of your time posting Insta and Snapchat stories of your dog
Walking in a field with your dog on a crisp morning, calling the dog in from the other room to pet it, you document it ALL. You imagine this makes you look really fucking wholesome but us other sad boys see right through this desperate ploy.
The only mug you ever use is your massive Sports Direct one
You’ve had it since you were 14 and wash it once a month, but it can hold more tea than any other mug on the market so why switch?
Your bedroom walls are empty af
You’ve made very little effort to make your bedroom in any way 'homely', at a push there might be a singular, torn poster. It’s probably from a cult film, or that “Welcome to the Party” poster that literally every History student has.
The bin in your house will always be overflowing
It’s an everyday battle to see how much rubbish you can balance on top of the bin before someone snaps and takes it out. Preventing a collapse is literally Jenga for adults.
You have an endless collection of empty cig packets in your room
Rather than just binning them like a normal, civilised person you end up discarding them on top of your chest of drawers. Wouldn’t want to risk filling the overflowing wastepaper bin even more.
You can’t remember the last time you changed your sheets
Six months have passed since you first moved in and the blue duvet has not been changed, apart from it's a little bit more crusty.
You only need to use the freezer to store food, your shelf on the fridge remains sad and lonely
The fridge shelf contains a sole can of Stella, with the plastic rings still attached, accompanied by an empty ketchup bottle you can't be bothered to chuck out. Whereas the freezer is filled with bags upon bags of onion rings left over from numerous £5 frozen meal deals from the Co-Op.
Sad boys spend entire nights out just in the smoking area
People go out to socialise right? Then why spend the entire night in a sweaty room where you can't move or hear anyone talk when there's usually a wonderful, expansive smoking area?
You wash everything with just one bottle – either a big Sandex number or a Radox 2-in-1
Who has time for conditioners or moisturisers in this crazy world we live in? Male grooming is not an idea that fits with the sad boy aesthetic.
At some point you go on a big uni lads holiday to Prague
You'd never go somewhere too fun, like Berlin or literally anywhere with a bit of sunshine, and you've been to Amsterdam more times than you can count. You want to have fun but also go somewhere of reasonable cultural significance. The Czech Republic, perfect! You've lost track of the number of people who've heard you going on and on about how it's only 60p a pint there.
Also you can't beat the John Lennon Wall for a decent cover pic with all 'the lads'.
Sad boys don’t know what to do when they invite a girl round
If no sad boy housemates are in, you’ll happily entertain your guest in the sad boy living room, surrounded by all the sad boy filth. You'll put a Netflix documentary on, probably WW2 in colour, not because you think this will impress but because you genuinely just want to watch it.
I mean, sad boys really just spend their entire lives playing FIFA
FIFA is the place where your childhood dreams of making it as a pro went to die. And now your entire days and evenings will be consumed by little computerised men running across a tv screen.
You started playing with your housemate at half ten and the next thing you know it's three in the morning and have to be up soon to make your 9am.
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