Calling time on lame boys who ask ‘can I kiss you?’ rather than getting on with it
It’s the biggest mood-kill
There's a serious issue ruining several dates across our nation right now, and it needs to be addressed. Along the way from somewhere misleading and uninformative, men have picked up a particular conversational practice which they've presumed to be the right thing to do.
Boys of the United Kingdom and surrounding areas, please stop asking girls "can I kiss you?" It's so lame, and ruins any vibe you had going.
And before we go any further, it's only lame to ask "can I kiss you" when it is obvious both of you want to kiss. Some creep you don't know who says "can I kiss you" does not apply to this.
So picture the scene: You've been chatting for a couple of hours, probably over some gin and tonics. There's been a reasonable amount of eye fucking and lip gazing for both parties to know exactly what's going to go down in the back of the Uber.
At this point the next G&T should be ordered, maybe you should both move on to the next bar, maybe you'll touch them in a flirty way to emphasise your keenness (see pic below).
But no, instead of waiting for the inevitable the guy leans in, locks eyes and asks "can I kiss you?" like he's in some kind of Enrique Iglesias music video. Chances of kissing go from 100 per cent to zero per cent.
Why do boys do this? Do they think the girl will find them more fit, or so generous and thoughtful that they actually asked for permission to neck on? Is it because of celebs like Sam Thompson asking girls if he can kiss them on Celebs Go Dating, which is skewing boys' perceptions of what's right and what's fundamentally and categorically wrong?
To try and get to the bottom of why they do it, I asked some girls for their "can I kiss you?" experiences. Annabel thinks if a guy is asking to kiss, the vibe isn't there yet. She said: "I was on a date and the boy asked to kiss me – I said no. I told him if he hadn't asked me, I would've kissed him anyway later on.
"Boys should just go for it. If they're asking the vibe isn't there yet."
Annie described her experience as awkward, and would rather they maintain eye contact as a way of signalling they want to kiss, rather than asking a question. Annie commented: "I was on a night out with this guy and I thought we were having a normal convo. He then asked whether he could kiss me, and awkwardly I said no. I think he thought it was romantic, but it put me off."
To try and find some kind of reasonable excuse to make sense of this unholy trend, I spoke to We-Vibe's relationship expert Dr Becky Spelman. Dr Spelman thinks the "can I kiss you?" question is down to the shift in how men speak and treat women, as well as the #metoo movement. Dr Spelman told The Tab: "A generation ago, women often put up with 'compliments' on their bodies, or infringements of their personal space, such as having a bottom pinched. Women are now less likely to put up with unwelcome attention from men who consider themselves 'suitors', and more likely to complain if they are the subject of wanted attention of a sexual nature.
"Changes in work and in public life have begun to impact on changes in how men and women interact when romance is, or might be, in the air. If men are responding to these changes by being more proactive in determining whether or not their attentions are welcome, that’s a good thing: I think that we can all agree that kissing is good, and lots of kissing is better—but only when it’s wanted by the owners of both sets of lips."
There's no doubt unwanted kissing, where the girl is clearly not wanting to, is not on. But when you've been grafting all night and the vibe is obviously there, asking "can I kiss you?" is equally not on.
So boys, for the sake of every date that's going reasonably well and has a clear chance of ending with a kiss, please please don't ask "can I kiss you?" if you want any chance of a second date.