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These are the things people from private school want you to stop saying

Oh Matron!

Private school kids have it really hard. Honestly they do. What with their Aunt always asking for their bank account details so she can transfer money over, having to deal with everyone mocking those old Facebook pics of them with a deer they have just slain, and being roasted for their pink chinos and floppy blonde hair.

So you don’t distress these tweed wearing poshos any further, here is a comprehensive list of things they would really, really like you to stop saying:

About their finances

“But you obviously didn’t pay for your gap year….daddy paid for it, right?” – Maz, 22

Being asked “is daddy paying for that?” when in Nando's – Alex, 21

“So drinks are on you tonight then?” – Hannah, 22

“Ralph will you order the Uber?" Despite all my friends earning more than me now – Ralph, 19

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I don't do this every weekend

The hobbies they supposedly get up to

“Do you like polo?" No, I may have horse ridden but that was just around the countryside. I actually know nothing about polo – Saffie, 19

“When is Ascot again?" Like are you just asking that because I wear burgundy corduroy? – Freddie, 22

"What's your favourite thing to shoot?" I've never held a gun in my life – Daniel, 20

Siggy rings, multiple houses, and the other things they own

“Are you getting a Fiat 500 for your first car then?” – Maz, 22

"How many middle names do you have?" Yeah, I only have one middle name – Grace, 20

“Can we go to your house in the South of France?" One of my friends asked me that – Rennie, 19

“How many houses do your family own?” The answer is one, in Reading – Edward, 20

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Corona first, Bolly second

General personality traits

“You went to a girls school, that means you’re a lesbian right?” Yes, naturally comes with the territory – Flo, 21

“Obviously, you can’t understand what everyone else goes through” – Rubin, 18

I was at a grime night and someone was like, "mate you must be hating this". Just because I am wearing a pale pink Ralph Lauren shirt and I say yah doesn’t mean I can’t love Stormzy – Steven, 22


“Do you know what Lidl is?” – Francesca, 18

“Sorry, we’re out of quail eggs" – Lottie, 21

"Is everything you eat organic?" – Sammy, 19

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Casual x

Their style and appearance

“How much tweed and real fur do you own?" People always ask if I have lots of tweed, but I'm from London, and it is actually very improper to walk around cities in tweed – Millie, 23

“You’re too posh to have had an emo phase” – Alex, 21

“Oh you have a signet ring, you must be loaded” – William, 20

“Nice jacket, how much did THAT cost?" £18, it is from Pretty Little Thing – Emily, 20

“Why are your cheeks so red?" No I am not sunburnt, my cheeks are just naturally this bright hue of rouge – Sam, 18

Mummy and daddy

“So what do your parents do????” – Robert, 21

“Is your dad a massive Tory then?” – Harrison, 20

“Look, I know your mum really enjoys fox hunting but have you ever considered for a moment that chasing down animals and having them mauled to death might not be ok?” – Toby, 19

“Does your dad wear red trousers and have a private fishing license?” – Hannah, 21

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What do you mean you don't play polo ??

Their first-class education

Being told “everyone at private schools are rich, privileged snobs who were born with a silver spoon in their mouth” whilst this is true for the majority, I’d say a good 40 per cent of people at my school were from very ‘normal’ backgrounds – Maz, 22

“Is it true electric toothbrushes were banned at girls schools?” No, obv not – Flo, 21

“Did your parents get you into your school cos they’re mates with the head teacher or someone on the board” – Dan, 19

“Did you get 3 A*s at A-Levels to make it worth all that money?” – Matt, 20

“Oh Matron!” – James, 20

“What the fuck is an IB?” – Lily, 19

“Did you all whip each others arses with towels when you got out the shower?" I mean yeah but not in a gay way – Rob, 20

“Do you find uni work hard now that your parents can’t pay for you to have better teachers than everyone else?” – Fran, 23

“‘Did you all play soggy biscuit at school?’ Absolutely not, we played actual sports like Boules – Bobby, 23

“Do you know Immy?" Just because we both went to boarding school doesn’t mean I am going to know who your cousin is – Daisy, 22

Getting a job

“So did you have to apply for that internship at Deutsche Bank?” – Emma, 20

“You went to private school, you’ve never had a job in your life have you?” I've worked every summer since I was 16 – Flo, 21