Can everyone please stop captioning their pictures as ‘drinks with this one’

People do unbearably annoying things on the internet.

Uploading face swaps of the family at Christmas, writing status' saying "what time are the last buses?" instead of Googling it. #MCM posts of Tom Hardy, like yeah we all fancy him.

But there is nothing that makes me want to smack my head repeatedly into the desk right in front of me until I pass out as much as people tagging their photos as "drinks with this one".

Firstly, it doesn't even make sense. Who is "this one"?

But it is less the phrase and more the predictable photos that accompany it. Some girl takes a picture of her boyfriend from across the table, they are in an over priced pub chain eating dried out roast beef and soggy cauliflower, he's wearing a checked shirt, they go home and have the most laborious missionary sex of their whole life.

Or it's the slightly more edgy couple, they love pulled pork buns, their favourite Insta filter is Hypebeast, they go to Winter Wonderland and pay £6.50 for a banana and Nutella crepe. They pose together with a mug of mulled wine, both wearing woolly hats and ironic christmas jumpers, "drinks with this one ?".

Food out with this one #cheatday

Otherwise it's a boomerang of two really fit girls at a bottomless brunch wiggling their prosecco into the frame, their avocado on sourdough is in front of them, they're both wearing Joni jeans, they caption the photo with at least seven crying/laughing emojis. Maybe I am jealous that I'm not drunk at 11am, but also just please stop saying "this one."

It's never anything interesting, you never hear someone saying: "off to go do a bank heist with this one", "off to go take down a corrupt dictator with this one", "off to go feature on a Drake album with this one". It's always a drink or an anniversary, " two months with this one, thanks for putting up with me". I'm sorry but that isn't even long, I've had tupperware that's lasted longer than that.

It is not the only phrase that needs to be binned. "And you can fuck off as well", "watch out [insert British town] ;)", "unreal", "this is so us", "thanks for putting up with me". Or people taking photos of a Dominos meat feast with the caption #cheatday like they are an actual athlete and not a girl who occasionally does squats. Then there is the painful, "boy done good", always matched with a rose gold Michael Kors watch or some Kurt Geiger court shoes.

But "drinks with this one" is by far the worst. I might start an online petition to get it banned from Facebook, so it flags up as inappropriate content whenever it is posted. Feel strongly about this?

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