Sorry, but you’re not his girlfriend if you can say ‘yep’ to any of these things

Don’t play yourself

If you’re reading this it’s probably because somewhere deep (or not so deep down), you’re already experiencing insecurities over whether or not he likes you. But if you want reassurance that it’s time to delete his number and move on, we’ve got you covered.

Because if he does any of these things, he’s just not that into you.

He only hits you up on weekends – “What’s up?” on a Saturday night is not the same as “Are you free this week?” on a Sunday. If you only ever hang out on weekends, it means he doesn’t consider you a priority.

He mostly reaches out when he’s drunk – If you usually don’t hear from him until around 11pm, by which point you know he’s out with friends and has tucked a few in, he’s not worth your time. Like Dua Lipa always says, “Don’t pick up the phone / You know he’s only callin’ ’cause he’s drunk and alone.”

He talks to you about people he used to sleep with – If he talks to you about fucking another girl, he’s probably masturbating to the thought of fucking that other girl, too. He definitely does not see a future with you.

He doesn’t introduce you to his friends – This is just . . . so obvious. If a guy likes you and wants to keep you around, he’ll want to make sure his friends like you as well. We only want what other people want and like.

You have to have sex every time you hang out – Sex is good. Actually, it’s more than good, it’s great. But if every single time you hang out he insists you come back to his place, then this is something else for him entirely. He’s not getting drinks with you to get drinks with you, he’s getting drinks with you to have sex.

He always wants head – Head, like sex, is fun, but it shouldn’t always be expected of you. If he really likes you, sometimes there won’t be a need for it. Occasionally it’s sweet and romantic to get straight to the act.

He’s not that into going down on you – Oral is a two way street. If you’re going to go down on him, he better be going down on you. He’s going to get off either way — you won’t.

He doesn’t tell his parents about you – If he’s never mentioned bringing you up to his mom, or sister even, it’s because he’s not sure you’re the right one. Parents are super pushy, and once they know they’ll keep asking. So if he considers this a fling, of course he’s not going to tell them about you. Why put poor mom through the heartbreak when he’s going to dump you for someone else?

He tries to change the way you look – If he tells you he “wishes you had long hair again,” or he really prefers when you dress a certain way, he’s not into you, he’s into what you look like. Sometimes.

He never actually calls you – I get it, I get it. We all have anxiety and hate the sound of our voices over the phone. We’d rather drag out a conversation over the course of 200 texts than call and ask how the other person is doing, but that’s bullshit. If you’re dating you’ll want to hear the other person’s voice, no matter what.

He’s secretive about his phone – This is a reaaaaaally bad sign. If he flips his phone over when he’s with you, or won’t let you borrow it to look at something, it’s because he’s texting someone else. There is literally no other reason you would be weird about something like that.

He texts while you’re on a date – Unless it’s his boss or the Queen of England (hint: it’s neither), his damn phone should be in his pocket while you two are out together. If he’s not logged off of what’s going on online, he’s not logged into what you’re saying.

He doesn’t put his arm around you in public – If you’re out on a walk and he doesn’t want other people to suspect you’re together, he’ll put a solid two feet between you, and he won’t try to hold your hand or kiss you.

He never double texts – I get not wanting to be the one who always double texts, but if he doesn’t follow up a conversation killer with a question to keep things going, he’s not really into the conversation.

He never lends you any of his clothing – We don’t want your favourite jumper, we literally just want one of your shirts so we can sleep in it. It’s such a simple request, and I will never understand why it trips boys up so much. We’re giving you our heart and unconditional love in exchange for an Adidas T-shirt. Just hand it over.

He refuses to use emojis when he texts you – His lame ass isn’t better than emojis. If he can’t send you heart eyes, he does’t deserve your heart eyes.

He’s still on dating apps – This one sounds obvious, but it’s not. Now that dating apps have become more and more commonplace, even people in relationships keep them on their phone with the excuse “Oh, it’s just still there,” or “I’m not actually talking to people on it.” Like hell he’s not. Nobody has enough space on their phone for unnecessary apps. He’s talking up other people and he’s probably meeting them, too.

He always makes you come to him – If he can’t get an Uber and come to you it’s because he feels safe with you. He thinks you’d rather keep coming to him than not come at all. Prove him wrong.

You mostly just Netflix and chill – If hanging out with him means always hanging out with every Game of Thrones character, too, he’s not into you, he’s lonely.

He talks about other girls around you – Nobody who is trying to win someone else over talk to them about other girls. I don’t know even know why I have to type this.

He’s not good at being emotional with you – If a guy can’t say “I like you” after a few weeks, or “I love you” after a few months, he has commitment issues and you’re not going to change that.

Stop waiting around!!

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