Don’t wear these things on Halloween if you have any respect for yourself

Thank me later


Halloween is the best time of the year for dressing up. There are the genuinely scary outfits, the hour long make-up tutorials to get the perfect Candy Skull look, and the faithful cat ears for when you can't really be bothered.

And then there's the Regina George vibe – short skirt, tight dress, low cut top – you know the one. Cos if there's one time of the year women can have an armistice day from the criticism they receive on a daily basis about how they should do their hair, how much make up should they wear and how tight their clothes are – it's Halloween right?

But no. Not even on Halloween when we're in costume, are we allowed to dress how we want. The newspapers drag girls to the ground with double page spread photo features calling us disgraceful, wrinkly female columnists tell us to get some "self-respect", and we're continually harassed by creepy men in clubs for having some fun. For the one day of the year where this "rule book" is supposedly thrown out of the window, is it so difficult to let us wear what we want in peace??

Halloween is meant to be fun – when else can you wear that tight red dress with devil horns and a tail other than Halloween weekend? But if there's one thing that rips all the fun out of it, it's being told you look like a "slut", "trashy", "un-ladylike", or "indecent for a woman".

What you choose to wear this Halloween is up to you, and there’s nothing you shouldn’t be allowed wear. So instead of telling you what not to wear, here’s what you can definitely wear instead:

1. A sexy French maid outfit

2. Black lacy tops which really show-off your cleavage

3. Devil horns and a matching tight red dress

4. Glitter boobs

5. Heels or black knee-high boots, with bare legs

6. A zombie cheerleader outfit

7. A Snow White or other Disney princess style dress

8. Candy skull make-up

9. Cat ears and cat make-up

10. Standard jeans and a nice top

11. A three-piece tailored suit

12. A pair of UGGS

13. Your pyjamas and dressing gown

14. A full morph suit

15. OH YEAH WAIT, HANG ON – YOU CAN WEAR WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT.