Let’s settle this once and for all, which is the most boring uni in the country?
It’s York isn’t it?
There are fun unis and then there are boring unis. That’s just how the universe has decided to balance itself out.
Fun unis like Leeds, Manchester, Sheffield, Newcastle, Glasgow, Cardiff and Bristol all have thriving nightlifes, suitable for anyone’s tastes. People go there because these places are proper and everyone there is guaranteed a good time.
But some people on the other hand, choose to go to soul-destroying universities, which have nothing going for them. The ones, you mate is adamant, “will look great on the CV.” But you know deep down even they know they’ve made the wrong choice. So you force a smile and say “I’m sure it will be great, come up to see me any time!”
We’ve hand picked a list of all absolutely mind-numbingly boring institutions around the country, and now it’s up to you to decide which one is truly the most boring of them all:
When you were younger, Bath was the place you thought you’d end up. It’s pretty and sounds impressive. So how bad could it really be? Not that bad, but it’s not exactly great either. There’s literally nothing going for it.
Why it’s so mind-numbingly boring: All the clubs are in a basement and no one will actually bother going to Bristol.
The most exciting thing about Bath: It’s only bearable if you do a sport, or actually enjoy going to Bridge.
The only way you can make studying at Cambridge slightly bearable is by getting blindly drunk, all the time.
Most people have no substance to them and get excited by the mundane weekly routine, which is essentially their university experience for three boring long years.
Why it’s so mind-numbingly boring: Every time the Circle of Life plays at Cindies, you will want to kill yourself.
The most exciting thing about Cambridge: The pres are the best bit of going out at Cambridge. And that says a lot.
Everyone at Durham comes from a lot of money and acts phenomenally awkward in social situations. It’s hard not to believe that being at Durham isn’t a parody of how posh people would act at uni.
Why it’s so mind-numbingly boring: After a week you’ve experienced literally EVERYTHING it has to offer. And, there are a lot of posh public school students who just love to talk about the weather above anything else.
The most exciting thing about Durham: At least with a college system you’re forced to make friends straight away, so you can all moan about how small Durham is together.
The only reason someone goes to Exeter is because that’s where mummy and daddy wanted them. Little did they know that all the clubs close at 2am.
Why it’s so mind-numbingly boring: Everyone there is stuck in a 2008 mindset where wearing Hollister and Jack Wills used to be cool.
The most exciting thing about Exeter: The Safe Sex Ball.
Highlands and Islands
The University of the Highlands and Islands has 12 campuses set across the north and islands of Scotland and according to those that went there, it’s basically like being at college for four years.
Why it’s so mind-numbingly boring: The campuses are so far apart that you don’t really get a “university experience.”
The most exciting thing UHI: The fact that it’s called the University of Highlands and Islands.
Have you ever heard someone from Hull actually say they enjoy it there? Have you ever even met anyone from Hull? Because I’m adamant once you go to Hull, you get sucked into a hole and never come out.
Why it’s so mind-numbingly boring: It’s miles away from civilisation and the whole city of culture must have been some kind of joke. THERE IS NO CULTURE.
The most exciting thing about Hull: Going out to Welly.
It’s nowhere near as dull as Cambridge, but all the clubs are getting sold off, so it’s getting boring. And in comparison to Brookes, it’s really boring.
Why it’s so mind-numbingly boring: The number of people that go out is about 0.00001 per cent of the university, so you won’t meet anyone new after Freshers’ week.
The most exciting thing about Oxford: The Brookes nights
Everyone at St Andrews has a double-barrelled name and they’ll act like they’re some kind of royalty, because they drink champagne, all the time darling.
You’ll hear them say stuff like: “I just don’t know where to hang my second Barbour, my wardrobe is so small.”
Why it’s so mind-numbingly boring: Imagine how boring Durham is, but it’s even smaller.
The most exciting thing about St Andrews: Kate and Will went there.
Not only is the campus in Norwich, it’s also in the middle of nowhere. Everyone is so bored, they have to pretend to like rabbits, lakes and a mascot called Cloud Dog.
Cloud Dog won UEA’s BNOC in 2015 and since then there has been a 10ft statue erected in her memory.
Why it’s so mind-numbingly boring: There are literally three clubs and one of those is the Student Union club, which is essentially a school hall that sells alcohol.
The most exciting thing about UEA: The most exciting thing about UEA is getting your shoes stuck to the sticky floor of the LCR. Oh and Cloud Dog.
The University of Warwick is the perfect place for those that want to sacrifice their entire social life for three years, in exchange for three words on their CVs.
“It’s actually not that bad” they’ll say, “The nightlife has got a lot better since Switch.”
Why it’s so mind-numbingly boring: People at Warwick are stuck in a bubble. Their standards are so low, they think sitting in a circle for three hours whilst consuming “purple” is normal. Then they visit their friends up north, and realise what a proper uni night out is like.
Remember the episode of The Inbetweeners where they go to Warwick for a night? Now imagine doing that for three whole years.
The most exciting thing about Warwick: The rowers and a rotating sculpture in the middle of its campus.
Everyone is called Tom and lives in Greater London. The same thing happens literally every week. You go to Kuda Tuesday and have exactly the same experience as the week before, the same with Salvo Wednesday except there are boring sports people at this night who are even more boring than your regular York student.
But do York students care? Of course not! They love York with every inch of their boring bodies, and so do all of their boring friends. Everything is so boring that they don’t really notice it until their friends from one of the fun unis comes to stay. It’s at that point they’ll realise campus waterfowl only gets them so far.
Why it’s so mind-numbingly boring: It’s real life Groundhog Day, but worse because there isn’t a moral message to take away from it.
The most exciting thing about York: The Central Hall Lake is the largest plastic-bottom lake in Europe.