Important: Which accent is the sexiest?

Year on year the public are surveyed to vote on which accent they find the most and least friendliest. The Geordie accent always comes out on top and super excited sounding Birmingham usually remains at the bottom.

But who cares about friendliness, because what is actually important here is who has the fittest accent. Which accent do you hear across the club and make a beeline for? Who do you want to take home to your mum and dad?

Scouse

You’re in the smoking area and vaguely hear a raspy Scouse accent chatting shit. She’s most of the way to losing her voice, but perhaps that’s just how she sounds: like fun. You want to know more, but it’s too risky to turn around, so you slink back inside, trying to guess which sweaty head on the dance floor was so enchanting outside.

Geordie

Is it just me, or does everyone with a Geordie accent sound like they want to be your best mate? After making friends with you at the bar – because they’re not afraid of human interaction, unlike people down south – they’ll drink anyone under the table. Following this drunken escapade – which in the eyes of a Geordie will bond you for life – you’ll be invited around for Christmas, family holidays and even your sister’s wedding, simply because they’re so fucking nice.

Glaswegian

Read these and tell me you don’t want to know them, and strangely get turned on:

Yorkshire

Listening to the lulling tones of a Yorkshire accent is like receiving a warm hug. It can’t be rated overly highly on the sexy scale, but you wouldn’t mind waking up next to someone from Yorkshire the morning after. Bet they’d make you a great brew in bed as well.

Lancashire

People will either think you’re from Liverpool or Manchester, but no, you’re a proud Lancastrian with your own accent that is a mix of both. Fit. It’s hard to sound unhappy or angry with your accent, and what’s fitter than someone who sees everything as half-full rather than half-empty?Thanks to your dulcet tones we’ll just avoid discussing how weird it is that you put ‘me’ at the end of every sentence.

North Wales

A hybrid between Welsh, Liverpudlian and Mancunian, it’s different to find this mongrel accent sexy. This isn’t to say the people in North Wales aren’t sexy – have you been to ZuBar in Rhyl?

South Wales

Ooh yaki di! South Welshies seem more fun than their northern counterparts, but Christ do they like to go on about the fact they’re a) Welsh and b) like rugby. Unable to move on in a conversation without talking about Nigel Owens reffing the World Cup, or Leigh Halfpenny’s beauty, they’ll chew your ear off about the sport until you swear you’ll change nationalities yourself to make it stop.

Cornish/West Country

There is not a single word in any regional dialect that sounds more perfect than someone from the West Country pronouncing ‘Lurcher’. Hopefully alongside their softly-spoken Cornish drawl, they own a few dogs and a hefty bit of acreage to walk them on. Land, money and a sexy accent to boot, do you need anything else?

Republic of Ireland

Even if they’re saying something horrible, it always sounds fucking lovely. Green is not the colour of envy, but of lust in the wild Irish lands. Is someone not always sexier when holding a pint of Guinness? I know they do when I’m holding one.

Bristolian

People in Bristol are cool. People with the actual Bristol accent are scary. Everything’s “alright me lover” and “gert lush”, and that scares me.

Essex

“Cooorrr ello darhlin you’re looking fit today, woof woof”. Men with an Essex accent could be declaring their love or could be shouting angrily, but regardless it’ll sound like they’re trying to sell a dodgy car. Taking the same amount of time to get ready as their female counterparts, these slick ricks are impeccably dressed, fake tanned and have veneers which require sunglasses. They ooze in fuckboy, which is obviously sexy at first, and that’s until you get ghosted and realise your whole relationship has already been played out several times in episodes of TOWIE.

For girls: see Gemma Collins.

North London

There is simply nothing sexier than a boy dripping in Palace putting on a gangster accent telling you he’s from the ends. We all know he lives in a massive town house in Islington and doesn’t sell as much weed as he’d like you to think. The dropped ‘T’s and overuse of ‘bruv’ could get anyone into bed, until he answers the phone the morning after and you hear his posh ‘speaking to mummy’ voice.

South East London

South East Londoners make it known they’re from South East London and you’ll hear it in their accent. It’s even possible to distinguish what zone they’re from, just from the way they speak. Those from Zone 2-4 will say stuff like: “rah that’s mad” or “oi you lot, Theresa May is slyly a paigon you know.” While anyone from Zone 4+ needs to finally accept that they actually live and speak like those in Kent. A South East London accent is spoken by someone who’s cool but won’t show that they know it. They’re always low-key and you’ll find them in sportswear at every event. South East Londoners love sportswear.

Birmingham

Let’s be honest, they probably look like Adrian Chiles. This is categorically a bad thing. And it’s hard to talk dirty when you just sound so bored all the time – but hey, treat them mean keep them keen, and if you’re from Birmingham you don’t really have many options when it comes to attracting the opposite sex.

Southern

You sound so vanilla that your personality has to do most of the talking. It’s the accent that’s ok for meeting parents and masking all manner of flaws in an interview for a junior recruitment job, but not much else.

Received pronunciation

You know when you get a text, perhaps of a sexual nature, and the grammar is wrong? It totally kills the mood. The same goes for incorrect verb conjugation in speech, it simply doesn’t work for dirty talk. Solution? Be with someone who knows how to speak properly. Those with received pronunciation can be trusted to turn you on, with no grammar mistakes and proper enunciation. What more could you want?

Mancunian

Whether it’s a cocky Liam Gallagher-esque swagger, or the cheeky Mancunian charm, it’s undeniable that the Manchester accent is the sexiest in the north of England. Who wouldn’t put their trust in someone who uses the phrase, ‘R kid’?

Northern Irish

One of the most terrifying accents you will ever hear, so if danger turns you on, you’re in the right place. They always sound like they’re asking you a question, which I guess is a good flirting technique? Often left wondering what on earth they’re saying, the sense of mystery will inevitably lure you in.

Kent

You can spot someone from Kent a mile off, think very classic cockney but not how the geezahs from Essex speak. Those from Kent will talk a hundred miles an hour, drop the t’s from most words, and always interject with “init” or “d’you na woh I mean?”

Kent natives are unashamedly bold and they’re even bolder when it comes to flirting. They’ll bed you faster than you can say “Posh and Becks”.